| Author | Message | ||
| Jim02 Registered user Username: Jim02 Post Number: 195 Registered: 5-2007 |
I recently experienced another event where I realize after the fact that I had made mistakes and mishandled things. This has weighed on my conscience in that even after seeking forgiveness in prayer, I still fell awful about what happened. In this most recent event, it turned out badly even though I had attempted to provide the best efforts. Now , it is impossible to repair or make it up. I have nop path to undo what had happened. It was rapidly out of my control, yet at one point it was or could have been. I misjudged the factors and teh result was more suffering than needed to occur. I am being vaugue here in order to spare others. So my question is. Does anyone have any insight as to how I may resolve this deep regret. One of which I am now powerless to go back and do over. One of which it is too late to do anything about. It already happened. I know people have accidents and people make mistakes. Others are affected. My own recent example had all the good intentions. I meant better. How do I let this go? Sure , I asked for forgivness. But the sorrow of event remains. I don't want to lament aimlessly here. But it does merit the question. How does one recitify regrets/loss/mistakes that cannot be undone? Jim | ||
| River Registered user Username: River Post Number: 1343 Registered: 9-2006  |
Jim, Its just like anything else, we hand it over to the Lord and trust him with it. Its a daily walk, I regret many things, but its done and I can only cast myself at the Lords feet, along with my burdens and regrets and go on with him from here. Remember your kids when they were learning to walk? They walk a few steps and then stumble and scrape their knees and cries and you walk over and pick him and set him on his feet again. Did you beat him and scold him for falling? Of course not. It is much the same with our heavenly Father who loves us and the pain of our falling recedes with time. He knows we are doing the best that we can to walk. River | ||
| Jorgfe Registered user Username: Jorgfe Post Number: 637 Registered: 11-2005 |
Jim, I am trying to find the right words to be of help. Time and a demonstrated consistency in behavior, combined with an attitude that does not try to defend ones self are the best things that I know of to resolve a major blunder. Genuine transformation in behavior is all one can do. The rest requires the healing influene of the Holy Spirt. Just my 2 cents ... Gilbert Jorgensen | ||
| Cloudy Registered user Username: Cloudy Post Number: 41 Registered: 7-2007 |
Jim, Although the situation cannot be undone or repaired, is there no tangible means by which you can make amends to the suffering party? The Bible endorses restitution and I think it goes a long way to restoring trust and assuaging guilt, even in the case of unintentional harm. Unfortunately we do have to live with the results of our accidents and mistakes. Then we are back to the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. | ||
| Lori Registered user Username: Lori Post Number: 67 Registered: 11-1999 |
Jim, We all make mistakes. We all make mistakes that can't be undone. We all make mistakes that affect others. What you do is you take responsibility before God for what you did. You pray. You acknowledge what you did to the only person that matters--God. David did some horrible things. Things that affected others tremendously. Instead of being where he was supposed to be (at war with his army) he stayed at home. He committed adultery. She got pregnant. He tried to cover this up by having her husband return from the battlefield to "be" with his wife so he would think the child was his own. Uriah returned as he was instructed but since his men were at war and couldn't be with their families he did not return to his wife either. No matter what David tried to do Uriah would not go home to his wife. So what did David do? He made sure he died in battle. And then he took his wife. David suffered for his sins...but he finally acknowledged them. You can find his repentence in 2 Sam. 12:13. "I have sinned against the Lord." No matter what we do or who it affects our sins is against God. I John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." It does not sound like your question it whether God can forgive you though. It sounds more like you can't forgive yourself. Realize, God knew about what was going to happen to you before he ever created you. God doesn't want us to walk around in sorrow and regret. God wants us to move forward. Paul says he was the worst sinner ever. But he had a goal to press forward. It's hard to press forward when you keep looking back. Paul says in Phil. 3:13, 14...."forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." You can't do anything about the way others continue to be. Paul has instruction for those who continue to punish someone for their past, "You ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow." 2 Cor. 2:7 | ||
| Stevendi Registered user Username: Stevendi Post Number: 222 Registered: 10-2006 |
I would recommend Larry Crabb's Book "Understanding People". It is the most definitional source on sin and behavior and faith I have ever read. I think it's printed by Navpress. steve | ||
| Patriar Registered user Username: Patriar Post Number: 333 Registered: 3-2005 |
Jim, And don't forget the beauty that God made out of the ashes for David and Bathsheba. Solomon was the baby born to them and HIS LINE is the one through which Messiah came. It could have been any of David's other sons, but it wasn't. He truly is a merciful God. His grace extends over even the deepest of sin. What you're experiencing is actually a key component of your salvation experience. You are still sinning. We all do. The difference is that we now grieve deeply over the sin committed. God is faithful and usually gives you some new knowledge and understanding just for a little extra "I love you". He really does, Jim. He's committed to you. That is one reason He allows this kind of grief that you're experiencing. It spurs us on to change. Patria | ||
| Jim02 Registered user Username: Jim02 Post Number: 197 Registered: 5-2007 |
Lori, 7Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. Thank You, I believe I have been forgiven. There is a greiving process with regrets. I guess that is what I am dealing with. I can even forgive myself in pricipal. But the regret is what remains. Not much I can do with it beyond time and trying not to think about it. Perhaps, just knowing how to let it go..... I have committed to The Lord that in the future, I will do my best to not repeat the same mistakes. That's all I have.......... | ||
| Blessed Registered user Username: Blessed Post Number: 80 Registered: 1-2007 |
Jim, Regret is always so hard but it is one of the things that keeps us from repeating the same mistake. I am the kind of person that is very hard on myself and feel guilty for things that are my responsibility but also for things that aren't. It is something that I continue to struggle with. I have found that I have to discipline my mind to not go back to "It's all my fault" mentality and claim that Christ has forgiven me and I need to forgive myself. I knows that Satan uses this to discourage me and I need also to address that and purpose not to give Satan a foothold in this area. You have been given excellent counsel by others and I think it's neat that you were honest enough to blog this. There is freedom in that. Blessed | ||
| River Registered user Username: River Post Number: 1345 Registered: 9-2006 |
Hey Jim, If you do learn how to get rid of the deep regrets and stuff, be sure and lemme know the formula you found. I could sure use it. I got deep regrets I been carrying around for 20 years. River | ||
| Jim02 Registered user Username: Jim02 Post Number: 198 Registered: 5-2007 |
I take solace in my hopes for a renewed opprotunity in the Kingdom to have a chance to make wrongs right, to make up for what went wrong, to reconcile bygones and to say I am sorry to those who slipped away before I could say what should have been said. It matters to me. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 6639 Registered: 12-2003  |
Jim, Ask God to redeem this event and to use it ultimately for His glory. The miracle of being in Christ is that He wastes nothing, and He redeems everything we submit to Him, even the things for which we feel the deepest shame and regret. I have had to almost imagine myself physically handing the Lord Jesus the things for which I feel I can't forgive myself. I literally give it to Him and ask Him to take it and to redeem it for His glory. Then I have to act in faith--I have to know that Jesus "absorbed " in His body all my sin, all my pain. He somehow carried it--he suffered with it. I can trust Him to cleanse me and to wipe me clean from shame. I cannot "manage" how the other person will react or what he/she will do, but it is legitimate to pray that God will intervene in the other person's heart as well, that they will be soft toward the Lord Jesus and be willing to know truth themselves. Ask God to send His Spirit into the relationship that has been affected by whatever the incident and to mediate truth and healing. You can trust Him, Jim. He alone can "fix" these things, and He is faithful to cleanse us from shame and to redeem everything we submit to Him. Colleen | ||
| Jim02 Registered user Username: Jim02 Post Number: 199 Registered: 5-2007 |
Thank You Colleen. I just wanted to let you know that I did not give details because I did not want to bring distress to others who may have similar issues. I was after coping tools and insight that I could glean for my own understandings. I felt this was the safest place I could discuss the topic. I am OK. So don't worry about me.  BTW: My marrage situation is doing well. I thank God for answered prayers. | ||
| Lori Registered user Username: Lori Post Number: 68 Registered: 11-1999 |
Jim, Having grief, sorrow and regret demonstrate that you care. Sorrow and regret are part of healing process as well. The human mind is extremely complicated we can't just snap our fingers and "get over it". It takes time and sometimes we have to force ourselves to see what is positive. Remember the text: "All things work together for good for those who love God."? There is only one catch to all things working together for good---you must love God. | ||
| Dennis Registered user Username: Dennis Post Number: 1229 Registered: 4-2000  |
OUR MOST SPECIAL PRAYERS When things get really tough as they inevitably will at times or when we want to offer a special contrite prayer, it is a wise decision to literally get on our knees in prayer. Our posture in prayer reflects our humbleness, desperation, gratitude, seriousness, and submission to His will. Some people are greedy even when they pray. They expect a thousand-dollar answser to a one-minute prayer. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit assists us in our prayers to offset the inadequacies of human language. Our awesome, prayer-answering God always welcomes our special "knee-mail." Dennis Fischer (Message edited by Dennis on August 24, 2007) | ||
| Tricia Registered user Username: Tricia Post Number: 69 Registered: 3-2006 |
Dennis, That is so true about getting down on your knees in total humbleness to God. I just recently heard Charles Stanley in a sermon really bring that out--got down on his knees and was talking about the significance of it. It's keeps coming up in my mind now, and it's something that you just said that, too! Yes, that is a very good point. Tricia | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 4189 Registered: 3-2004  |
Dennis, Thanks for reminding me of the "knee-mail". I have not kneeled consistently for a long time. Recently I have done it more often. And you are so right in saying our awesome, prayer-answering God always welcomes our special "knee-mail". Diana | ||
| Joyfulheart Registered user Username: Joyfulheart Post Number: 29 Registered: 10-2006 |
Dear Jim, "A broken and contrite heart God does not despise." "Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." Jim, I'm sure most of us have done things, hurt people etc. with results in other people's lives that we just can't fix. One of my public school students said in class when another student hurt him and then apologized, "Sometimes sorry just won't cut it." In these situations, I try to remember that sin is why Jesus died on Calvary. Sin is always damaging to relationships. That's why God is so serious about it. God is love. It hurts the heart of God to see people hurting each other. It sounds like the Holy Spirit has given you the gift of repentance. The Holy Spirit is our convicter of sin, but also our comforter. I encourage you to let the Holy Spirit comfort you! Praise God for that gift and let Him do what He's there for. God did not leave us comfortless when Jesus went back to the Father. That's how much God loves us! It also sounds like you have begun to pray for the person effected, gone to them, asked for forgiveness and attempted restitution. Jim, after that there is nothing we can do but pray and continue to love the person regardless of their response. If the person isn't around or won't see you - or doesn't offer you the gift of forgiveness, there's nothing you can do except pray asking God to work in both of your lives - then leave it squarely in God's hands. I had a situation (possibly like yours - I don't know) that was extremely painful. My sin caused an irrepairable loss in her life. She accepted my apology and I believe truly forgave me, but the loss in her life was still there for me to see. It was and still is a constant reminder of the damaging results of sin. At that point, I had to remember that God has forgiveness for me, too. Forgiving myself while watching the damage I caused was HARD! The good news in all of this is that is precisely the reason Jesus left heaven and came to earth - to take the punishment we deserve. Stuff like this is why He came! I can't wait for Jesus to come again! When He does, we will be able to love each other perfectly! I can't wait! In the meantime - well we need Jesus and the ministry of the Holy Spirit. Jim, I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will comfort you, bring reconciliation and restoration to the relationships and show you clearly that through Jesus you are forgiven. Psalms 51 and 121 might be an encouragement. Jesus loves you and will never leave you! Joyfulheart | ||
| Patriar Registered user Username: Patriar Post Number: 336 Registered: 3-2005 |
To all: I was just telling my daughter the line of Jesus and as I was telling her the story of David and Bathsheba, I realized that I did not relay the story accurately here the other day. I said Solomon was the baby born to David and Bathsheba. What I SHOULD have said was Solomon was A baby born to David and Bathsheba. I apologize. The accurate story is that Solomon was a baby born to David and Bathsheba. One of the most beautiful parts of the story is that God used the union of David and Bathsheba to continue the line of Messiah EVEN though their union initially was made under such horrifying circumstances and bad decisions on David's part. He truly is a merciful God! Patria | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 4202 Registered: 3-2004 |
When I read the story of David and Bathsheba to my son, all he said after I read it to him, was, the Bible is full of stories about human beings. My answer was, yes is is. Diana | ||
| Patriar Registered user Username: Patriar Post Number: 337 Registered: 3-2005 |
Great answer, Diana. Patria | ||
| Dennis Registered user Username: Dennis Post Number: 1237 Registered: 4-2000 |
Patria, Good points about our merciful God. Who would want a guy as bad as David was living next door? Yet, David's prayer for pardon in Ps. 51 was deep and contrite: "And do not take your Holy Spirit from me; Restore to me the joy of Your salvation" (verses 11 & 12). Based on these passages, David was indwelt by the Holy Spirit. He further had eternal security in his loving and merciful God. The Lord even considered David "a man after His own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14; Acts 13:22). By God graciously extending forgiveness and salvation to a sinner like David, then certainly there is hope for others with lesser transgressions. The Bible gives us such balanced, objective biographies of its various giants of faith. Furthermore, the Bible doesn't veneer their blunders--another evidence of its divine inspiration. Dennis Fischer | ||
| Patriar Registered user Username: Patriar Post Number: 339 Registered: 3-2005 |
Dennis: I have been so moved by the story of David. His sin, stubborness and then subsequent contriteness and bowing to the sovereignty of God. It brings me to tears when I think of how he pleaded with God for the baby (THE baby) to live this earthly life. God said no. David accepted it. He surely must have grieved, but He knew that God is God and He has purposes far beyond our grasp or ability to even understand. Praise Him! Patria |
