| Author | Message | ||
| Jecee61 Registered user Username: Jecee61 Post Number: 7 Registered: 3-2007 |
I am relatively new to this forum. I enjoy what I read here and have learned so much. Today, I am feeling overwhelmed and just need a chance to ask for some thoughtful counsel. I left my evangelical roots and joined the SDA church as a brand new bride 25 years ago. We raised our kids in the SDA church. I taught in the SDA schools for 7 years and was very much involved in leadership. My children quickly began to resent the church and rebel against it't teachings. Sending my son to boarding academy was the worst thing I could have done for him. 3 years ago I divorced their dad and because of that I stopped attending church. Over the past six months because of my research and readings I have come to see the error of Adventism. I have returned to the understanding of grace that I left years ago and have been attending a wonderful Sunday church. My kids are now 20 and 16 and want nothing whatsoever to do with any form of Christianity. They see it all through the filter of their Adventist upbringing. My heart grieves because of the mistake I feel we made raising them in a restrictive, legalistic home. I have a great relationship with both of my kids, they are very loving and productive young people. Spiritually, however, they are at the point of being either agnostic, or possibly slightly leaning towards Eastern religious thoughts. I want, above all, for them to be saved. I fear that their upbringing has warped their thinking about Jesus. Do you have any suggestions about how I should deal with them in this regard? They are open to discuss religion as an abstract idea, but are not open to anything that comes from the Bible. I am a hurting, guilt-laden mother. | ||
| Helovesme2 Registered user Username: Helovesme2 Post Number: 926 Registered: 8-2004  |
This breaks my heart Jecee. While my children are still at home and are open to the gospel, my eight siblings (who I helped raise and tried hard to instill SDA beliefs in) are now in their teens and twenties and most of them are as you describe. The main things I've found to do include: 1. Trust - no matter how circumstances look God is still in control. . . and He's adopted me as his daughter so I'm in safe hands. He's promised that He gives only good gifts to his children. 2. Pray - asking (and accepting) God's forgiveness for my false teaching and witness; thanking God that he redeems everything (even our sins) that we surrender to him; giving Him each of my days now to do with as He wills; surrendering each of my family members to Him and placing my trust in Him to do whatever it takes to draw them to Himself. 3. Study - to be fed myself, and be prepared to speak when and if God opens the door for it with my loved ones. 4. Witness - with my everyday life, only as God clearly directs with words. The best testament to Jesus I've found is my own rejoicing walk with Him. This does NOT mean putting on a facade of happiness (or of anything else). This simply means living authentically with my life hidden in Christ, asking God to keep me in Reality (Jesus IS the Truth) and to glorify Himself in me. I know some of what I wrote can sound like platitudes and can be rather cold comfort when God's hand is hard to see, but He IS working . . . and He loves your kids even more than you do. He'll not be idle. Blessings, Mary | ||
| Jecee61 Registered user Username: Jecee61 Post Number: 8 Registered: 3-2007 |
Thank you Mary. It did not sound like platitudes or cold comfort. You have brought tears to my eyes. I try to do all that you have suggested already. I just needed the encouragement to keep it going. Thanks again. | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 3649 Registered: 3-2004  |
Jeecee6, My Mom mistreated her step children as well as her own children and now only two of us seek God. I watch my sisters and brothers and pray for them every day. God, at times, will put one of them on my heart to pray for especially. I am on very good terms with my half sister, who does not want anything to do with God/religion of any kind due to the treatment she received from my Mom. She and I are best of friends now, but I do not push God on her. I just love her and accept her and pray a lot for her. I have one sister to whom I am not talking. I love her dearly, and forgive her for what she has said about me, but I do not have to put myself in her path where she can try to hurt me. I pray for her also. What I am trying to say is love your kids and show that love in what you do and how you treat them. And remember, just because you are a Christian, you do not have to let them do anything to hurt you. What Mary said about trusting God, study, praying and being a witness is so true. And you do not have to do it by yourself. God is beside you with the Holy Spirit. One could not have better help. Our awesome God will not fail you. Diana (Message edited by Flyinglady on May 19, 2007) | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 5852 Registered: 12-2003  |
I agree with Mary above. I have had to repent before God for the things I have taught and for the ways I have hurt my children and also my former students in SDA academy. And I have also asked God to redeem my ignorance and my influence in their lives. And I also ask God to help me love them for Him--not for my sake and not even for their sakes, but to love them for God. That means I don't have to know exactly what they need or have a "formula"--I just have to be available to allow God to teach and love them through me. He is faithful to speak through us as we are submitted to Him...and we can trust Him. Colleen | ||
| Dennis Registered user Username: Dennis Post Number: 1076 Registered: 4-2000  |
From personal experience, Sylvia and I know it is not easy to admit to your adult children that you taught them wrong about the most important things in life. Two of our children preceded us in leaving Adventism. Repeatedly, they now tell us, "We thought you would NEVER leave." They were well aware of our intense loyalty to the SDA Church. Adventists frequently like to tell formers, "If you had really understood Adventism in the first place, you would never have left." To this false claim, I respond, "Collectively, Sylvia and I have over 100 years of experience in Adventism. It is only fair to say that people can learn alot about a religion in a century. Now really, how long do you think it takes to understand Adventism?" All in all, God faithfully redeems the years that the locusts ate. Our adult children actually have renewed respect for us now. They realize that we are truly serious about our relationship with Jesus. Yes, they still reminisce about the days when they were under our roof. I think they are still somewhat in a state of shock in our leaving Adventism. Most importantly, we have absolutely no regrets for our course of action. We continually praise God that He finally fixed our choice on Him. Dennis Fischer | ||
| Agapetos Registered user Username: Agapetos Post Number: 809 Registered: 10-2002  |
Amen to everything here. Jecee, my brother, my uncles their whole families are in the same situation as you described... wanting nothing to do with "Christ", are wary of "religion" but are leaning towards Easter religions (somehow imagining that they are not "religious"). I don't know what to say except that I'm praying for you, and ask for your prayers for my family as well. I think maybe there's no method or thing to do, just love them and wait on the Holy Spirit. They need to be hungry. That's how He got me, through my hunger. And situations can change quickly, as when my sister-in-law became suddenly open when going through a painful breakup. So nothing is impossible with God. Adventism is an odd mix of some Christian teachings added onto an anti-Christian foundation. Those who are scarred by it are many. It's a generational scarring that has wounded many generations including mine (I'm 29 -- went to Takoma Academy and Shenandoah Valley Academy). Most of my old high school friends are in the same boat. In a way it reminds me of how many cultures around the world feel about Christianity, particularly Muslims, Jews and Native Americans. They've all been wounded many times by Christians throughout history, and it is hard for them to hear the love of Christ because of all the pain they've received from His followers. But God sovereignly allowed us to do these things, so nothing is beyond His healing. Many Christians in America have begun seeking out Native Americans to identificationally repent to for broken treaties and cultural annihilation. God has been using this to bring a lot of healing to cultures and lands. If this can happen on a cultural level, how much more is it true for a personal/family level! So here's a thought to pray about. Maybe you've already done this, but if you haven't, please pray about it and ask the Lord and wait on the Spirit about it. If the Lord leads you, you may want to repent to your kids for all the legalism and errors of Adventism that misrepresented Christ and His love. If they don't want to sit down for it, you can write a letter. It's not for everyone, but I believe God can use things like that. Repentance and forgiveness are two of the most powerful weapons God has given us. Whether He leads you to do this or not, understand that God has forgiven you. He saw all this ahead of time, and He also saw all the legalism and abuses that my family suffered as well. Yet He brought me to Himself and gave me forgiveness for my family and my teachers. He has begun healing in my family -- it's His speciality to heal us and our families. He's seen thousands of His children hurt by the errors of Adventism, and He has raised up many generations now who have left, arming us with His truth. As we are not only armed with truth, but especially with love, He will bring in His time and way even more healing to the hurt and wounded in Adventism. Again, if you choose to repent to your children, understand that such an act is not to gain their acceptance, and is not based on how they respond. If you feel God lead you to do so, then do so out of His love for them, not out of your regrets. Cast your regrets on Him! See that in the Cross He took all these things already, because He knows all things, even what you and I will do tomorrow and next year -- He saw all our sins and yet He chose to die for us anyway 2,000 years ago! Blessings in His love, Ramone (Message edited by agapetos on May 20, 2007) | ||
| Jecee61 Registered user Username: Jecee61 Post Number: 9 Registered: 3-2007 |
Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. Ramone, you especially touched me when you said, "Again, if you choose to repent to your children, understand that such an act is not to gain their acceptance, and is not based on how they respond." I know that a big part of my desire to get this right is based on wanting them to accept me. And I know this is not what it should be. THey do love me and are very good to me but I know they do feel scarred and angry about their SDA upbringing. Thanks again for your insight and words of encouragement. |
