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Seekr777
Registered user
Username: Seekr777
Post Number: 154
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 10:10 am: |     |
Sometimes I take life to seriously and need to smile more.  We serve a God with a wonderful sense of humor. I hope we can enjoy the joy with HIM.
Richard rtruitt@mac.com
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys with water, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five-year-old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.
"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she says as she shook the older boy in anger. "We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said. "I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole-he-goes."
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Seekr777
Registered user
Username: Seekr777
Post Number: 155
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 10:13 am: | |
Keep smiling ! !
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!
The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
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Melissa
Registered user
Username: Melissa
Post Number: 918
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 10:42 am: | |
I love those, Richard. Thanks, I needed a laugh today! |
Riverfonz
Registered user
Username: Riverfonz
Post Number: 377
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 10:44 am: | |
Hey Richard, Thanks for lightening up the day. Those are funny stories.
It was great meeting you at Coco's with our FAF group, and I hope to see you again soon.
Stan |
Seekr777
Registered user
Username: Seekr777
Post Number: 158
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 10:59 am: | |
Stan, it was great seeing you and realizing how far back our family connections have been.
I will probably not be there this Friday, I'll be down in Irvine listening to Jim Wallis who is the editor-in-chief of the magazine Soujouners sp? He advocates a radical Christianty not tied to political parties like many conservative Christians seem to do.
Richard
rtruitt@mac.com
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Colleentinker
Registered user
Username: Colleentinker
Post Number: 2091
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 11:02 am: | |
Great jokes, Richard! Thanks for sharing!
Colleen |
Seekr777
Registered user
Username: Seekr777
Post Number: 159
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 11:16 am: | |
Without Christ Peter would have needed to remember this one as he walked on water. . .
"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."
richard |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 1599
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 5:05 pm: | |
Thanks for the laughs. Laughter is good for the soul.
Diana |
Jwd
Registered user
Username: Jwd
Post Number: 14
Registered: 4-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 5:11 pm: | |
Well, rather than post after these, I'll chance not adding anything and be thought a fool, rather than say something and remove all doubt!
LOL
JWD |
Randyg
Registered user
Username: Randyg
Post Number: 44
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 7:19 pm: | |
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw an opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here,He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said " Ryan, you be Jesus!
Randy |
Seekr777
Registered user
Username: Seekr777
Post Number: 161
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 3:36 pm: | |
Some more . . .
TOP 10 WRONG WAYS TO INITIATE YOUR SON INTO MANHOOD
10. Teach him the secret male ritual of leaving the toilet seat up and the toilet paper roll empty.
9. Have a ceremony where you give him his own remote control.
8. Lead him through an afternoon of rigorous physical training in the back yard while you sit in a lawn chair with a half-gallon of ice cream.
7. Eat until you're about to burst and then ride the Screamin' Hurler roller coaster.
6. Put cream on his face and let the cat shave him with its tongue.
5. Walk behind him through his school halls yelling, "You da man!"
4. Send him to the local discount store to buy mom's "personal things."
3. Give him Grandma's lime green Gremlin with personalized license plates that say, "TUFFGUY."
2. Send the womenfolk shopping, then get out your secret Old Yeller video and have a good cry together.
1. Shotput catching.
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Seekr777
Registered user
Username: Seekr777
Post Number: 162
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 3:37 pm: | |
I started early teaching my kids the value of a dollar. From then on, they demanded their allowances in gold. |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 1850
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 1:23 pm: | |
Several years ago I heard Jim Wallis speek in L.A. I have all the books he's written. I go to the Sojo website, too. Although I don't always agree with everything, I do find it gives me food for thought and ponder. Please, share on here about hearing him spek. I'd love to hear from you about it. |
Windmotion
Registered user
Username: Windmotion
Post Number: 154
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, June 11, 2005 - 11:39 pm: | |
This comes from Readers Digest. I read it, laughed, and knew just where it should go.
"One balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship saw smoke coming from one of three huts on an uncharted island.
When the crew went ashore to investigate, they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than five years!"
The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see three huts."
The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another."
"What about the third hut?" asked the captain.
"Oh," the man said. "That's where I used to go to church."
Humorously,
Hannah
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Seekr777
Registered user
Username: Seekr777
Post Number: 166
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 9:37 am: | |
Subject: JOB DESCRIPTION
Position: DAD
Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES
~ Must provide on-site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing. Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus.
~ Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project.
~ Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more than me!" for the rest of your life.
~ Must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above mentioned skills in conflict resolution.
~ Must be able to choose your battles wisely and then stick to your guns.
~ Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You don't know anything."
~ Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating.
~ Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
~ Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat, in case this time the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
~ Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
~ Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery-operated devices.
~ Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
~ Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
~ Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
~ Must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because fund-raiser will be your middle name.
~ Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions on the fly such as "What makes the wind move?" or "Why can't we just stop all wars?"
~ Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
~ Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
~ Other responsibilities include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION
You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, the job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life, if you play your cards right.
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Tisha
Registered user
Username: Tisha
Post Number: 79
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 11:51 am: | |
I just love that Job Description for DAD! I've seen the one for MOM, but not this one! It is all so true. One would wonder why we ever sign up for those jobs, but anyone who has will testify to the great unposted benefits!
Thanks for the smile - tisha |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 1609
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 6:12 pm: | |
Thanks for that job description for Dads. I am going to copy and paste it to my son who has been a father for 2 years, so he is just beginning.
Diana |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 1636
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 21, 2005 - 7:57 pm: | |
Some more humor for all to enjoy.
Diana
SMILES FROM THE BIBLE
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew
out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's
Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the
apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived
in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most ; flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A.
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groannn...)
KEEP SMILING!!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND BUNCHES!!!!
Friends are God's way of taking care of us....
PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible.
It says . . . "Hebrews
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