| Author | Message | ||
| Taybie Registered user Username: Taybie Post Number: 4 Registered: 4-2005 |
Hi there everyone...Shontay here. As I write this, I am still in awe of His grace and tender mercies that are fresh and new with each new dawn! I am writing this because of the overwhelming response I have gotten from SDAs that question my choice of walking after Christ solely. It really blows me away that people actually think I wanted this to happen! I am guilty of but one thing - loving Jesus Christ!! I had not been SDA all my life, but my devotion told another story. He is my ALL, my air, my joy, my life, and when He opened my eyes to HIMSELF...I had NO choice, but to follow my Jesus, even with tears flowing. I have NO regrets! I KNOW Whom I serve and I count this entire experience ALL joy...I want to be in tune with His will...you know? I am so aware of my freedom now!! The Son truly has set me free and I KNOW that I am saved!!! My question to you all is this: How did you handle the lonelies? I am not a memeber of any particular church right now, and I am welcomed by few SDAs. Like, some of them will talk, email and maybe even attend a dinner I give, but as far as meaningful friendships...well, i have very, very few of them. This has only been one year and I have become somewhat of a hermit. I am open to all comments and advice. Thanks, you guys. Isn't He the BEST? Taybie | ||
| Helovesme2 Registered user Username: Helovesme2 Post Number: 201 Registered: 8-2004 |
Hi Shontay! (appriciated your article by the way) In dealing with my own 'lonelies', I've really appreciated this forum, and asked God to lead me to other people and also to a church I can fellowship with. For much of my first year 'out' ther was no one that I fellowshipped with locally. Even now, I do not attend a church on a regular basis (except for the SDARM one on Saturdays with my husband and kids), but I do get to attend a Monday night Bible Study and really enjoy it and the fellowship with the other people there. Most of them have no background with SDAism, but the pastor's step-father is an SDA. The group there does not urge one church or another church. Their purpose is to encourage eachother in their personal walks with Jesus. It is a blessing I'm glad to be able to share! | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1987 Registered: 12-2003  |
Shontay, I'm glad you're here! It's vital to have interaction with formers as we leave, but it's also vital that we eventually make connections with other Christians as well. I realize now that even if we had studied deeply with formers exclusively after leaving, we would never (or at least not as quickly--if you can call 7 years quick!) have seen the big picture of the Bible in the way we have come to see it because of being tuaght by Christians who have a completely different view of the book than we had. There are several things you can do to begin to make Christian connections: visit churches, and pray for God to direct you to the one where He knows you can grow. Another good way to become involved in Christian Bible study is to join a local chapter of Bible Study Fellowship or Community Bible Study. These are non-denominational, international organizations that conduct systematic Bible studies, one book at a time, and no denominational interpretations are allowed. I know that Dd as well as Ric and Raven have been involved in BSF--they can tell you more. You can go online and find where/when they have their studies, and find one near you. God knows what you've lost, and He knows what you need. He was so gracious in the way He led us into fellowship with people who love God and reverence His word. He also gave us opportunities to minister as well as simply to be taught. Yes, the reactions of those we leave behind are often startling in their finality and anger. Praying for you, Shontay-- Colleen | ||
| Taybie Registered user Username: Taybie Post Number: 6 Registered: 4-2005 |
Praise God Helovesme2! I was just SO excited when Colleen called and talked with me about my story! I am honored just to be of use for His glory! Thanks for the suggestions guys. | ||
| Raven Registered user Username: Raven Post Number: 247 Registered: 7-2004  |
Hi Shontay, Yes, I was recently involved with BSF but I'm sure Dd can say so much more about it because she's been in it for years. I started this past January and was recently "inactivated" (kicked out) because I missed 3 times in a row. If you can't commit to regular attendance and regular study throughout the week at home, look for a less structured Bible study group, which I'm currently looking for. I was too busy with a full load of school on top of work and kids. I've wondered if BSF isn't somewhat different depending on the location, or maybe I'm just a totally different personality. Dd had such wonderful things to say about BSF, but personally, there were several things I didn't like about it. First of all, I've always been a loner but it became nearly impossible to make connections because in the class we can only answer the question with whatever we wrote down earlier in the week--no discussion. Then we listen to a lecture and go home. There were at least two lectures where I really bristled because it sounded dangerously like legalism to me, but then I'm sure from my background I have extra sensitive radar to that. Plus the particular teacher I had for the class dutifully called me every single Sunday to check up on me and see if I had any prayer requests. That sounds nice and all, but it was like she had her little checklist and was just doing what they told her to do. It was entirely too structured for me. We recently joined a small group at church for monthly social activities, and I just found out one of the ladies from that group runs a Bible study out of her home twice a month. She said they have anywhere from 4 to 10 in attendance, and sometimes people take a whole month off. Sounds like my type... | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 1990 Registered: 12-2003 |
Raven, that does sound good. It's possible that BSF is different from location to location. I have to admit, though, that I've had a couple of people tell me that even though they learned a lot, they eventually felt BSF was a bit "legalistic". One former told me Community Bible Study is much less so--she had attended both, and she clearly preferred CBS to BSF. Most of the people I've known who attended long-term were in our area of So. Cal. The formers I know who attended here really found that BSF was helpful in their discovering what the Bible really said and helping them transition out. It's possible, though, that other Bible studies would "wear" better for some than BSF. I've personally never attended either one of these, but I know that our women's Bible study at church is formatted similarly to BSF in terms of small groups and general teaching. It is different from BSF, though, in that it has no attendance requirements, and it's doesn't require that one have her lesson completed in order to contribute to the discussion. Colleen | ||
| Taybie Registered user Username: Taybie Post Number: 8 Registered: 4-2005 |
Thank you all for your suggestions. I guess it's just hard to trust again. I know that may sound elementary, but the people that walked away from me...well, I really thought they loved me! I know, however, with prayer and consistency in my relationship walk and talks with Jesus, He will bless my life with relationships that will stay. | ||
| Dd Registered user Username: Dd Post Number: 455 Registered: 7-2004 |
Hi Shontay, I am very glad that you have joined us. I really enjoyed your article in Proclamations! It is obvious that you are living a joyful life in the love of Jesus. I love hearing people's joy! Yes, I have been in BSF for the last 7 years. I think the reason I have such high regard for the Bible study through BSF is that I credit the program to really bringing me to Christ. I have been a life-long SDA, my parents have worked for the SDA church and I went 16 years to SDA schools. I knew all there was to know about my religion and it wasn't until BSF that I realized I did not Jesus. I knew all the Old Testament stories but I did not realize the significance of those stories being about Jesus. I knew the New Testament stories but did not realize that my joy, freedom, love, contentment, peace...was about Jesus! BSF was the beginning of my exsistance I have today in Jesus. Sheryl (Raven) and Colleen are right about BSF being a bit legalistic. Last year, after 6 years of BSF, I read Galatians and for the first time I completely grasped the New Covenant. This is my first year of BSF as a New Covenant Christian. It is clear that BSF embraces the New Covenant. A few years back was the study of Romans. I was still a very strong SDA when I went through that study and it was the first time I had ever heard it said that anything we put with Jesus (ie Jesus + Sabbath) is sinful. That was the very beginning for me in questioning Adventism. This year we studied Acts and the life of Paul (Hebrews and most of Paul's epistles). It is very clear that they believe in the saving grace of Jesus Christ ONLY. Yet...I do hear occasionally things regarding "works" of a Christian that have made me uncomfortable this year. But...it is between the Holy Spirit and me...He has directed me in many truths and I know He will continue to do so despite this. The "F" in BSF stands for fellowship. Once a month there is a time set aside outside of the class for time together with your discussion group. I have always been blessed with friendships every year that I continue to keep long after the study is over. They have rules and regulations that they need to have to keep the different religious beliefs from conflicting. The large BSF I attended had over 60 different churches represented. The biggest rule is to never mention a doctrine from your church, say a name of a church or read from any other books but the Bible. This is to keep harmony. It is the BIBLE only. Now, Shontay, this all said...BSF is over for this year. It starts back up here in my area September 14. As Colleen and Sheryl have said - check out www.biblestudyfellowship.com for classes in your area. The study starting in September is on the book of Genesis. I have already done this study and plan to do it again as it has been one of my all time favorites. Another study, that I have heard is less stringent but actually deeper in its study is "Precepts" by Kay Arthur. I have had friends in BSF that also do this study. As a busy mom with two kids, I can only handle one study at a time. Best wishes to you, dear Shontay. God has led you this far and I know He has awesome plans ahead for you! | ||
| Tisha Registered user Username: Tisha Post Number: 63 Registered: 3-2005 |
Shontay, I second what has been said above. Because only "formers" can really understand what processing out is like, I value those friendships for that kind of support. But I really needed to study with Christians that didn't have that EGW filter on the Bible. I have learned so much and have such joy because of that. I finally joined a small Bible-based Church which I attend weekly. We also have small groups and I attend one weekly for Bible Study and Fellowship. I am making some deep, nurturing friendships because of that. I've found out that there are a couple of other "formers" there also, so we have a special kind of "kinship", having gone through similar deprogramming! It's so hard to trust after finding out we have been deceived! Take it slow and pray for guidance! God will provide! -tisha | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 1513 Registered: 3-2004  |
I was going to join BSF and I got a hairline fracture in my right knee. When that was healed, I got sick and took 4 weeks to really feel better. I had to drop out of my Revelation class also because of the above. So Maybe, God just wants me to read the Bible on my own and let Him teach me. I keep praying about a group that studies the Bible. If that is where God wants me, He will show me where it is. Diana | ||
| Taybie Registered user Username: Taybie Post Number: 10 Registered: 4-2005 |
Hi Ladies!!! Thank you all for your insight and input! I was SO estatic to find a church that has BSF in my area!!! YAY!!! I never imagined it being this simple. Each of you are such blessings to me!! I am GRINNING RIGHT NOW!! HEE HEE! Dd-that is my Mommy's nickname...short for Debra, actually Deborah. Thank you for the website. I tackled it immediately!! Thank God Almighty for this forum...my life was becoming quite dry. I just KNEW I was NOT going back! I am a lover of God's people and during this time, I have felt stagnated and angry. I have not felt I have been of use or much worth to the Lord, by way of loving His children, (particularly SDAs) I found that as I shared my experience, they (SDAs - honestly speaking, no offense intended) backed away from "lifelong friendships" and broke ALL the promises to always be my friend. I don't think I had illusions about those former friends, but I was still quite heartbroken. Have any of you experienced anger towards God during your walk? I am just being honest, because I held all of this in for most of this year. I was angry at the Lord's method of bringing me to Him, and just clammed up. I have fought with depression and floods of tears and sadness. I praise Him because I now have my 'bubbles' in my bubbly personality back again and my optimism is shining thru!  I give NO credit to my own devices or mind in this victory, but to Jesus! I admit that I struggle with emotions, (who doesn't?) and there are times that clouds encircle me...but I keep holding on to one promise, "I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you" !! Hallelujah!!!! God be PRAISED today!! Yes, we are human, yes we mess up and yes we fall down, but ONLY ONLY ONLY by His grace, tender, tender mercies and love are we able to get back up again! WOO! HOO!! I am FREE!! Wow, think I've been pent up at home too long? LOL!!! | ||
| Tisha Registered user Username: Tisha Post Number: 64 Registered: 3-2005 |
Taybie, you asked about anger towards God. I was once angry with God - actually many times, but one time in particular. I had a series of very hurtful events happen with in a short period of time. This was while I was still SDA. During that time I had been praying for God to take care of me, but it didn't seem like He even heard my prayers. Then my husband left me without any warning and I just hit bottom. As I was driving home from school one day I was SO ANGRY. I couldn't even believe in God anymore. Then something hit me! If there was no God, than I was on my own and there was nothing/noone to help me or to care if I was angry at a non-existant God. And if there was a God who was so judgemental that my attitude at that moment would jeopardize my salvation, then that was a God I could never please so I might as well stop trying! BUT - IF God was who I thought He was according to the Bible, then I could be angry with Him, scream and yell at Him, tell Him all my horrible doubts and fears, and He would listen and still be there for me. So, I raged and cried for awhile and then a great peace came over me. I KNEW He was real and that I didn't need to be perfect, only trusting! What a turning point that was for me. That started me on my path out of the SDA Church. I still feel all my emotions of anger, fear, etc. In fact I think I feel them more, because I can be free to feel them and admit I have those feelings. But I now feel even more JOY and PEACE. These are filling me up to where the other emotions take a back seat. As time goes on, it just gets better! Knowing and trusting in Jesus is the only way I can explain how I can be so happy despite those hurtful things in my life. I still struggle with depression and take an antidepressent for that. But it seems different than what I felt when I was so down and questioning God. Even when I feel depressed, underneath it all I still know a PEACE and JOY that makes it possible for me to go on. The depression just has a different quality to it. It doesn't feel so hopeless. I don't know if that makes any sense! But I think someone with depression and also a relationship with Jesus would understand what I am trying to say! Jesus makes all the difference! You're right Taybie, that promise from Jesus that says " I will never leave you nor forsake you" is such a wonderful reminder of His love and protection. Jesus is so wonderful! -tisha | ||
| Taybie Registered user Username: Taybie Post Number: 11 Registered: 4-2005 |
Hi Tisha, Thank you for sharing your story with me. I do understand where you are coming from. Jesus is my hope. I am breaking myself from the habit of not being open with God. I mean, it's not like He doesn't know! LOL! Keeping it to myself only hurts me. I am the one angry and frustrated and all constipated! LOL!! I am making jokes, but only because He sheds so much light on things I once did not understand, and now my heart rejoices. Oh, I have my days, moments, hours, etc when I am not at ALL a good example of how to live for God, but there is a sincere, burning desire in my heart (and my bones) to know the God of the Holy Bible. Thanks again for your response. Jesus really is the Prince of Peace. Taybie | ||
| Tisha Registered user Username: Tisha Post Number: 66 Registered: 3-2005 |
Isn't it funny how we think we can hide our emotions from God? He knows me better than I do! When I finally figured that out, what a relief! He is BIG ENOUGH (and more) to handle my "childish" tantrums! Now that is cause to CELEBRATE! PRAISE GOD! -tisha | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 2001 Registered: 12-2003 |
I have to share something really impacting I heard today. I have a young friend who has been struggling with a severe eating disorder triggered by severe childhood abuse resulting in post-traumatic stress disorder. She has made great progress during the two years I've known her. Today I went with her to her therapy session at her therapist's request. He wanted to meet me because she considers me to be her mentor. This man's clinical practice concentrates on victims of trauma and eating disorders. I was moved and amazed at his directness and his advice. He looked at my friend and said, "The only way you will get well is to focus on your identity in Christ instead of your identity in the flesh." He went on to say that her destructive behaviors when she feels anxious are the result of operating in her identity in the flesh instead of her identity in Christ. (In case you're wondering, this man is a licensed therapist--I believe he's a clinical psychologist.) He gave her an assignment: she is to memorize all of Romans 8, 9, and 10. When she's done with that, she's to memorize Psalm 139 and 23. Then, when her feelings and thoughts return to her old habitual coping mchanisms, she is to consciously choose to cling to God's word and promises, allowing His words to define her. Then, he told her when she feels anxious, she has a choice: she can decide to praise God and embrace the truths she knows in Scripture, or she can turn to her old, destructive behaviors. She can choose to function in the reality of the Spirit or else in the flesh. "It's a choice," he said; "You can have peace, or you can have anxiety." He also stated that if she decided not to do the Scripture memorizing and begin applying it to her own life, she was not yet ready to be well. Tough talk--but it was well-timed for her! I left there feeling convicted. I can choose to have peace, or I can choose to be anxious. Choosing to believe Jesus and surrendering to His Words to me are the key. Colleen | ||
| Lydell Registered user Username: Lydell Post Number: 681 Registered: 7-2000 |
I have a book to recommend. It is "Captivating" by John and Staci Eldridge. They are addressing who we are as women, what it means for us to be made in His image. One of their points is that the part of His image that we carry is "beauty". (And of course we are not talking about strictly outer beauty...) And the peace and comfort and invitation that always go along with beauty. It makes so much sense! Take a man and a woman and set them walking through a mall, who is it that is going to stop to look at the "pretties" at Bed and Bath? Who is it that moves into a house and doesn't just arrange the furniture to best see the TV, but "decorates"? Who is it that is most likely to stop and bend to smell a rose as they walk by? I love to read stories about the pioneers moving west. I was always interested to read how they had to be so very careful about how much they took, yet virtually every woman would take some beautiful, even times extremely fragile, object with her. Or a rose bush. Or a bird in a cage. I was fascinated to read how the males in the mining communities were anxious for women to move in.....yeah, my initial reaction was exactly what you just thought. Figured it was all about sex,a nd you and I both know there was alot of that desire there. But what blew me away was that they would go on to talk about it being the calming influence of the presence of women, that they missed just seeing women...no matter what their age, and the beauty and civility that come where women live. One older woman who was first to move to one of these mining communities was astounded at how she was treated with such tremendous respect. Interesting, yes? I read recently a statistic from a study someone did, worldwide. They found that only 2% of women, anywhere on the globe, were willing to say they were beautiful. Now, if our special assignment is displaying the beauty of God, bringing that into the world, and only 2% of women are willing to claim they are "beauty", then it should tell us that satan has been very effective in his attacks on us as women in general and not just each one personally. No wonder we have a much higher incidence of eating disorders, etc! The enemy wants us too crippled to be who God created us to be. Okay, it just seemed to fit with Colleen's comments about needing to know our identity in Christ. I've done a poor job of representing what was said in the book since I'm still processing it. But, I can't recommend this book highly enough. So often we seem to get from the Christian community that women should be barefoot, pregnant, and silent in church (yes I'm exaggerating), or from the world "I am woman hear me roar". It is just so refreshing to hear a balanced view of who we essentially are instead of what we can or can't do. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 2004 Registered: 12-2003 |
Since leaving Adventism, coming to know Jesus in a real way, and being part of the Christian community, I've concluded that one of the things God does when we are born again is, as part of our identity in Him, is to give us our true identities as masculine or feminine. Each is strong powerful in its own way when submitted to the Holy Spirit. In Christ, there's just no need to grapple for supremacy or equal "rights" with the opposite gender. Each is unique and significant, and God redeems not only our specific personalities but also our maculinity/feminity. I'm afraid I'm sounding vague--I just know that in Adventism, women struggled hard to be seen as equal with men and to hold powerful positions just like men. Men were often obsequious in their attempts to make women feel they respected them, but there was often a tinge of condescension attached. Now, I just see such a diminished sense of competition between men and women when they are in Christ. Our true identities are attached to our gender, and that's part of what Christ redeems when He gives us our identity in Him. Colleen | ||
| Belvalew Registered user Username: Belvalew Post Number: 452 Registered: 7-2004 |
I believe that is why Jesus responded to the Pharisees the way he did when they posed their little puzzle about the woman with several husbands -- whose wife was she? Jesus gave that woman back posession of her own self. We all belong to Jesus, and ourselves. As you have said, Colleen, we have a gender identity because we live here on this earth. That is appropriate here. Our lives when we reach that far country will be far different. I believe that the language of Heaven is totally different because there will be no need for the downer words like "sadness" "pain" "disappointment" and on like that. We will have completely new viewpoints, and our only interest will be in following the lamb wherever he goes. Thank you, Jesus Belva | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 1531 Registered: 3-2004 |
Taybie, When I get angry with God, it is usually because I am angry with myself. I write God letters when I feel like that. Then I read them to God in prayer. God has broad shoulders and understands when I am angry. As I am writing this, I got to thinking that since I became a Christian last year, I do not get angry as easily as I used to and back then, a year ago, I did not get angry often. About my letters, after I write them and read them to God, and why I am angry is more clarified in my mind, I shred the letter. When I write a letter to God, all kinds of stuff come out, like how I am really feeling and what is going on in my head. That way, when I know what is going on in me, I can own it and tell God, OK, this is what is really going on and it is my feelings and is mine. Please show me how to get rid of it, if it is something unpleasant. Usually, just writing about it and giving it to God in prayer, takes away all the negativity. Like I said, God has broad shoulders, and I can cry on them any time I want. He will scold me, comfort me, advise me and tell me what he wants when I am finished with my talking to Him. And the whole time His arms are around me keeping me safe. I just let go and let God. He is so good and if feels so good to give Him everything in my life. The more I know Him, the more awesome He is. Diana |
