| Author |
Message |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 1396
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 19, 2005 - 7:17 pm: |     |
PS: Ohlanda, are you sure you want support from this jerk. It could be that because he is giving you money, granted you had to take him to court for it, he will want visitation rights when the baby gets older and may want to take him to visit where ever the jerk lives. He may even want custody of the baby. If it was me, I would go see a good lawyer and make sure that jerk can never get his hands on the baby, not even visitation rights.
Just a few things to pray about.
I do care about you and do not want to see anything hurtful happen to that baby, to you or your family.
Diana |
Heretic
Registered user
Username: Heretic
Post Number: 55
Registered: 2-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 19, 2005 - 7:25 pm: | |
Ohlanda,
Thank you for sharing your story with us all and for being such an example for other women in potential similar situations. You could have taken the so-called "easy way" and done what the slimeball pastor wanted you to do, but instead you did the right thing -- no question. I admire you for that. And welcome to the FAF!
As a side note to all here. Don't be surprised if nothing happens to this guy even if the conference finds out about his sordid history and pattern of behavior. The church has a history of sweeping these embarrassing little black marks under the rug, so to speak. For example, back in the 80's, our (SDA) church pastor had an extra-marital affair with the church secretary, dumped his wife and children, and married the secretary. What did the conference do? He was transferred within the Pacific Union to Hawaii, of all places, where he remains to this day, still pastoring and firmly ensconced into the conference good ol' boys network. Heckuva way to get a promotion, eh? What perplexed me back when it all came down was that it seemed to divide the church into two camps. Many of the good saints took his side over his wife's. Yeah, these types of things have been going on for a long time. |
Jeremy
Registered user
Username: Jeremy
Post Number: 575
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 19, 2005 - 8:43 pm: | |
Yes...ever since James, Ellen, and friends started out in the 1840s...
I think Colleen said this before, and I agree, sexual immorality really is part of the SDA heritage.
Jeremy |
Ohlonda
Registered user
Username: Ohlonda
Post Number: 2
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 12:02 pm: | |
Thank you all for such a warm welcome! I have been so busy with the family and work I have not had a chance to respond to your posts.
And Bob it has been bothering me for some time now that this pastor is continuing his behavior in Florida. I have no problem with you contacting the conference or anyone else for that matter. If you will like to email me I will give you his name and other info. Ohlonda@aol.com
Flyinglady, I hve no worries that he would want to have contact with my child, he has stated to several people in the church that when his wife had their last baby, that he hated the baby! Can you believe that? So if he can say that aboaut a child he had with his wife, his feelings for my daughter must go beyond hatred.
Pw, yes I am so happy that I didn't have an abortion she is such a joy! She sings and gives big hugs and kisses all the time and is so amazing!
Oh and Hoytster, yes my husband treats my daughter as his own,when he found out he jumped right into the role of her dad. God is so good.
It is just so sad to see the church that has been in my family since the 1800's in a whole new light. I started having ?'s about some things as a high school student( I went to SDA schools)I left the church when I turned 18, got married and when the children were young my sister started taking them to Sabbath School. My son came home and was crying that he wanted his mommy there because the other kids had their moms, so I started atending again and before long I was thrown into every committee and group! I have seen so much stealing, lying and cheating in the church, it was a relief to leave. At first thought it was only my church,I but have heard the same horror stories at many SDA churches.
Thak you all once again. I was so nervous about the responses, but vchowdury assured me it would be fine. Thanks again! |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 1773
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 2:36 pm: | |
Who is on the childs birth cirtificate as father? If it is the preacher than have you considered your husband adopting your baby? I hope you get a good attorney who specializes in family law. |
Bob
Registered user
Username: Bob
Post Number: 200
Registered: 7-2000
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 2:37 pm: | |
Ohlanda, I will contact you by email this evening. I will follow through on this. I have a good, trusted friend in the SDA conference here, who I think will share our concern about stopping this man's ongoing deception. If that avenue doesn't work, I will work every other angle I can find!
Bob
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Ohlonda
Registered user
Username: Ohlonda
Post Number: 3
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 3:43 pm: | |
There is no father on the certificate. At the time I was seperated from my husband and the pastor refused to sign it. I am happy he did. My daughter has my husbands last name. I was not as fortunate as the pastor to have free lagal services. I had to go through the child support department to fight this.
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Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 1397
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 6:22 pm: | |
Ohlanda,
Still, get to a family law lawyer and get your husband to officially adopt the little one. That way the jerk cannot get to her.
I will be praying for you and Bob as he turns this jerk in to the conference where he is at.
Again, I thank you for trusting us with your story. We do care about you and your family. It sounds like you have a jewel of a husband.
Diana |
Ohlonda
Registered user
Username: Ohlonda
Post Number: 5
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 6:53 pm: | |
Diana, when I decided to keep my baby and allow God to handle everything else, I stopped worrying about the church and all the gossip. I prayed everyday for strength. God showed me that if I continue to do as he said and not continue in the ways of the past He would take care of me and bless me.
Thanks for caring. I really appreciate the love in this forum.
With 5 kids a lawyer right now is out of the question. (The least expensive one wanted 3500) |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 1401
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 7:19 pm: | |
Ohlonda,
You and your family are definitely in my prayers.
God takes care of you every day and He will continue to care for you.
He is an awesome God.
Diana |
Colleentinker
Registered user
Username: Colleentinker
Post Number: 1816
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 7:36 pm: | |
Ohlonda, God is guarding you. Praise Him for His faithfulness!
We're grateful that we can be here to support you.
Colleen |
Susan_2
Registered user
Username: Susan_2
Post Number: 1775
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 - 12:53 pm: | |
I hope I can help with prayers and advice. I am in California. Out here we have legal aid. It's free or low cost to anyone who qualifies. We also have these legal insuirance companies. The one in my community is staffed by six local attorneys. Then for a flat fee of $35 per month they will write letters on your behalf, give you several hours of personal service and half-price representation should the case end up in court. Call the local BAR Association and ask for help. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man. I am so happy to hear that the baby and her four older siblings are blessed with such devoted parents. I just can't help but think that this man needs to be filed away in the file labled, Nightmares" and forgotten about. At the same time, he preys on vuneralble women who come to him for counseling and maybe he should be brought out in public. I'm sure if I knew his name and I lived in his community I'd blab what he does all over town. |
Melissa
Registered user
Username: Melissa
Post Number: 843
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 - 1:29 pm: | |
In my area they also have legal aid, but you have to be poverty level. If you can make your payments, but not much left over, you're out of luck. I know all too well about the financial noose that one can bring. |
Ohlonda
Registered user
Username: Ohlonda
Post Number: 7
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 - 3:56 pm: | |
Susan I have tried the legal aid way, unfortunately since we have property (not renting) we were not able to use their services, also they were not handling cases that CSE were involved with. I agree with you about it being a Nightmare. Please email me if you want his name. I would hate for this to happen to someone else. |
Vchowdhury1
Registered user
Username: Vchowdhury1
Post Number: 126
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 - 4:30 pm: | |
Thank you, everyone for your support and the warm welcome you gave to my best friend Ohlonda. We are more like sisters than friends. I told her that the people in this forum were the best! Thank you for proving me right! Ohlonda and I used to go to the same sda church were the "jerk" she told you about was the pastor. Would you believe he once told me that I was going to hell because because I was wearing orange fingernail polish??? Talk about "judge not". Even when he was the pastor, for some reason he always gave me the creeps.
--Valerie |
Flyinglady
Registered user
Username: Flyinglady
Post Number: 1404
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 - 7:03 pm: | |
Right now he is a "jerk" and I am being nice when I say that and he is definitely on Satan's side with what he has done to others and himself and his family.
Bob, I will be praying for you as you turn him in.
Diana |
