| Author | Message | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 656 Registered: 6-2005  |
…..I ended up as a “student missionary” in South Texas teaching English as a second language. I stayed a total of eight months. During that time my spiritual life once again dwindled. Only this time I tried to compensate by working harder and harder to be “good” to “perfect my character” by spending more time reading Ellen G. White books and trying to live a legalistic religious life. The deeper I got into legalism, the more the spiritual passion was sucked out of me. I was a failure at perfection. I completely burned myself out, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The group I was with was made up of very historic conservative Adventists, which make me feel more of a failure. I was too ashamed to quit, and terrified to admit my spiritual bankruptcy, so I simply rode it out until the semester was over. Returning to college, I simply went through the motions. I led a fairly middle of the road Adventist lifestyle, just leading a “good enough” life for the most part, but mostly being a social Adventist and running with a moderately religious crowd. A couple of years after college I returned to Florida, and met and married a non-Adventist. Although he was spiritually minded (a Baptist upbringing) and we had long spiritual talks, we never regularly attended church until after our son was born six years later. We had moved to Georgia and began attending the Adventist church when my son was old enough for cradle roll. My husband also attended fairly regularly with me, although he never joined the Adventist church. We became more active in church when our son reached school age. I was active as room mom a couple years, and involved in school related things. My husband volunteered around the church and school in many different capacities. Returning to the Adventist church environment was difficult at first, mainly because I had so much shame about my earlier lifestyle. Some of the people at the church remembered me from my rebellious years, and couldn’t seem to get beyond those memories. I probably would have never stayed involved in church had it not been for a wonderful pastor. Both my husband and I had great respect for Pastor George. He was very patient, we could talk openly and honestly with him, and He loved God in a real way. I became more involved in church over the next few years, conducting seminars, counseling with people, volunteering, and so forth. My son attended Carmen Adventist school from Kindergarten on, and every year was a good experience for him, with great teachers and good friends. I might have ridden out my adult life in that environment, had God not had better plans for me. Before that could happen though, my life took a dive. … after 14 years of a good marriage, I suddenly and unexpectedly found out my marriage was in jeopardy. I didn’t know why, I just knew my husband was unhappy. I went from having a fairly normal and content life, as far as I understood, to discovering that my marriage was on rocky ground. I was shocked and devastated. I was terrified to talk to anyone. I was a Family Counselor with a career as a Counselor in a private practice. I was deeply ashamed to admit that while I counseled other people regarding their marriages, that my own marriage was in trouble. So instead of seeking help, I kept my secret to myself, and tried to revive my marriage. I spent over a year in a deep depression, crying daily in a parking lot after dropping my son off at school. I tried going to prayer meeting at church, becoming a “better” Adventist, begging God for help. I found no relief….until one day. | ||
| Jrt Registered user Username: Jrt Post Number: 726 Registered: 10-2008 |
Lori, Thank you for sharing your story with us. This story of yours you've trusted us with is a treasure to be treated with the extreme value it is ... Your story is God's story of you ... What an amazing thing ... to be pursued as you were by such a Sovereign God ... I have been reading and I've valued and indeed treasured each "installment". You are a blessing, Lori, and Oh, so valued. And you know how to keep us hanging, "until one day"  . Looking forward to hearing more ... Blessings friend, Keri | ||
| Lifeanew Registered user Username: Lifeanew Post Number: 226 Registered: 10-2007 |
Thanks for sharing your story again, it's truely a blessing. Jan | ||
| Handmaiden Registered user Username: Handmaiden Post Number: 88 Registered: 7-2008 |
i am thoroughly enjoying reading how God worked in your life to bring you to into the miracle of salvation. We overcome the lies of the enemy by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony;how Jesus brought us from death to life. Csnnot wait for the rest of the story love handmaiden hi Jan was wonderful to meet and have breakfast with you in Roseburg. | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 657 Registered: 6-2005 |
Thank you all soooo much for praying. Prayer is so holding me. Got my first negative response today, it said "stop sending us emails". Thats all it said.....Last time I sent out my story, people were supportive as long as I stayed at the part where I was focused on the years of my "failings". Once I began to speak of redemption, of being saved, the negative teeth came out. So I ask you to keep praying as I move to the rest of the story.... Back to the story line... I spent over a year in a deep depression, crying daily in a parking lot after dropping my son off at school. I tried going to prayer meeting at church, becoming a “better” Adventist, begging God for help. I found no relief….until one day….. ….One day, while driving around in deep despair and flipping radio stations, I heard a song by an artist that got my attention. It was a female singing a song I had never heard. The song had the following lines: The pathway is broken And the signs are unclear And I don’t know the reason Why You brought me here But just because You love me, The way that You do, I’m gonna walk through the valley If You want me to. Something in the song brought up a furious response in me. I remember thinking that this girl was a complete idiot for believing those lines. I was at a time when I was completely disillusioned by God, feeling completely abandoned by Him. I had prayed for over a year, with no relief. I was doing things “right”. I was attempting to serve God, and my life was miserable. The idea in that song, -- that a person would deliberately surrender everything and walk through the fire and the valley if God asked them to-- floored me. I was literally crying and yelling back at the radio, “you stupid…..do you really think God will do good things for you if you lay down your life and surrender to Him? That’s not how it works—I have tried it and it is a lie! --But I could not get the song out of my mind. For several days the lines played over and over in my head, making me cry out every time in frustration. I finally tried to call the radio station to find out the name of the artist. The album wasn’t even released yet. The lyrics continued to play in my head. A few weeks later, when it was released, I bought the CD. I listened to that song for days, just driving around. Every time the song played I would think, “you fool”. But part of me really wanted to understand how someone could say those words and apparently mean them. A few weeks later, Ginny Owens, the artist, was doing an album release concert. It was her first album. I drug my husband and son a couple hours through rush hour traffic in Atlanta to the concert. When Ginny walked out on stage to do the show, I was floored. She was blind! Totally! And she sang that song. “just because You love me, the way that You do, I will walk through the valley, if you want me to…” I was undone. She sang another song called “free” from her album. I did not know the two concepts could fit together—surrender and freedom. But here she was in front of me, singing about surrender and then about being free! Happy and thanking God—and blind. I felt hope coming when I listened to those songs. A couple of weeks later, while riding in my car listening to the CD, I passed a Baptist Church, and saw a sign about a Bible study—and decided to stop…… To be continued | ||
| Asurprise Registered user Username: Asurprise Post Number: 952 Registered: 7-2007 |
I too, am eagerly waiting for the next installment!!! I'm really enjoying your story! | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 10205 Registered: 12-2003  |
Praying Lori, Colleen | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 7321 Registered: 3-2004  |
Praying Lori, Diana L | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 658 Registered: 6-2005 |
….I ended up signing up for a year long Bible study! It was a non-denominational Bible study held at a Baptist Church. There were about 100 ladies present. I admit, it was intimidating taking a Bible study from a non-Adventist source, but I liked the fact that no commentary or outside reading was allowed to be used in the study. It was Bible, and Bible only—I could not see the harm in that. That meant not even the commentary in the margins of the Bible were to be considered. Also, that meant no Ellen G. White or SDA commentary for me! Daily Bible study was good for me. I began to see some improvement in my life. The ladies in the study were very supportive, although I did not share details of my life. We were not allowed to discuss various religions, or even mention the churches we attended, so I had no idea what denominations the ladies belonged to. I did notice they seemed to love God in a way that surprised me. Most had a strong passion for God, and lived their lives submitted to Him. At some point, my husband and I decided to go to marriage counseling. It took three attempts at counselors, but we finally found one we both liked. We spent about two years in Christian counseling. Each week, I would have new hope that a breakthrough would come, and each week I would find things just as bad or worse at home. I lived in constant discouragement and defeat, trying to act as if everything was okay in front of family and friends. The counselor was such an incredible inspiration. She started each session with prayer, and I held onto those prayers, because she seemed to truly expect God to do the things she requested in prayer. I also finally confided a little bit of my marriage problems with my a few people from my Adventist Church, and more with one Adventist friend in particular, who later became very dear to me. Slowly things began to look up in our marriage, and life seemed to return to “normal”. I continued in the Bible study. My 2nd year in the study something incredible happened. One day a girl came into our small group study and announced that she had been “saved” during the last week, and had been baptized that Sunday. I was so excited for her. I was thinking that I wished I had more time in my life, because I would enjoy knowing her better. At that moment, I sensed God saying to me, “you have eternity to get to know her and all these women in this group, because YOU are saved, and will be in heaven for eternity ”. --Now to any non-Adventist reading this story, this would be no big deal. But I was taught according to the SDA church prophet Ellen G. White that one should never say that they are saved. Before that day, I never had an “assurance of salvation”, and in fact was taught it was a sin to claim such assurance. But something happened to completely refute that teaching. I KNEW I had heard from God, and I knew in my heart that God was telling me that I was “saved”. I never doubted my salvation from that day. This caused quite an unrest in me. I believed in the SDA church, I believed in the Sabbath. I believed that one must “keep” the Sabbath to be saved. I was in a group of Bible studying Christian women who did not “keep” the Sabbath, and who did not belong to the SDA church, and God was letting me know that they were “saved”. This did not fit my understanding. To complicate matters, the women in the group were praying for me face to face. I would ask for prayer, and instead of a pat on the shoulder with a promise to pray, the women would stop in their tracks and pray-- in the parking lot, in a restaurant, in the hallway. They would call and check up on me, and pray over the phone. When they prayed, I knew they were sincerely talking to God. I wanted what they had, and knew what they had was more REAL than anything I had ever seen or known in my Adventist circle. At some point I decided that they were “seekers” and that God had maybe put me in that group to help steer them into “the truth” of Adventism. I will never forget the horror on one woman’s face who knew a bit about Adventism. She found out I was Adventist and asked me if I believed she would one day persecute me for not going to church on Sunday, I replied “yes”, that is what the Bible teaches. She was very hurt by my statement, and I felt embarrassed making that statement, even though I “explained” to her that if she remained open and sincere, that God would bring her into “the truth”. This woman had been pouring into my life for a couple of years with a pure and loving heart, and I was telling her she would hunt me down and try to kill me one day! She was one of the most Christ-like people I had ever met, and the absurdity of the statement, in light of her amazing faith, made me question that belief. However, I tucked that awful incident aside, along with my questions and thoughts that didn’t add up, and went about my life. I had other misgivings about the things that I was discovering in Bible Alone study, but I did not want to give up the study. I liked studying one book of the Bible at a time—we spent the whole first year in the book of Matthew. I found I truly depended and looked forward to reading God’s word—I needed it and was hungry for it. When I came across truths of the Bible that did not measure up with what I was taught as an Adventist, I would really want to pull out a Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary, or Ellen G. White books to help me “understand” those difficult passages, but that was against the rules of the Bible study class. I think at that point whenever I saw things that didn’t agree with Adventism, I would just lay them aside in my mind to study at a later date. I signed up for another year of Bible study. With my life once again moving along smoothly, my marriage improved and my son doing well, I spent my time being active in my SDA church and school, Bible study and my work. I made a couple of close Christian friends who were not Adventist, but that had “walked” (literally, as we hiked, walked and prayed) me through my crisis. I felt comfortable with my life, and was closer to God than ever. One day, while driving thru my neighborhood, I stopped at a yard sale. I walked up the driveway, picked up a book for 50 cents that caught my eye, and drove away. I had no idea how much impact that book would have on my life… To be continued. | ||
| Hec Registered user Username: Hec Post Number: 410 Registered: 3-2009 |
Javagirl, Are you Hispanic? You are giving out this story like the Mexican soap-operas. You leave the story, "until tomorrow" at the point where one have to come back tomorrow to see what happens. Good story. Interesting and inspiring. Hec | ||
| Animal Registered user Username: Animal Post Number: 612 Registered: 7-2008  |
I am really enjoying your story Lori. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Animal | ||
| Asurprise Registered user Username: Asurprise Post Number: 955 Registered: 7-2007 |
Yes, I can hardly wait for the next installment! Thank-you, Javagirl! | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 659 Registered: 6-2005 |
Hey Guys, Please pray, I cannot get into Outlook on my computer. Outlook is where I have my address distribution list for the story I am sending out. I do have access to webmail, but no distribution list there. So please pray. Either God is stalling me here, or the enemy is breaking in, but I have never had this problem before. So please pray. I guess I will just keep publishing the story here, and if I ever get access to my addresses on Outlook, I will continue to send out to those folks. Hec, you make me laugh. I am not hispanic, but my heart is close to the hispanic/latino population. I spent 8 months as a missionary to mexicans, and my last two mission trips were to Quatemala. But someone else on this forum started the suspence story format! Lori | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 660 Registered: 6-2005 |
….The book was “In the Grip of Grace” by Max Lucado. I had never heard of the author. As an Adventist, I thought I understood grace. I thought I had a firm grip on “righteousness by faith”. I was keeping the law, not “because I believed it would save me, but because God was saving me and I was keeping His law out of love”. That is how I defined grace, and how I tried to “marry” righteousness by works under the law with righteousness by faith. I imagine that sounds familiar to some. I read the parable in the beginning of the book, and was hooked. I took the test in the beginning of the book, and identified myself solidly in one of the four categories—I recommend you take the test to see for yourself. I didn’t like what I saw. I read the book, which was based on Romans, and found myself crying throughout, as I began to understand grace, as the Bible laid it out. I felt hope surge! I began to understand what Jesus had done for me at the cross. It is hard to explain my reaction, I just knew that what I read in Romans was true. I knew I had been missing the point! This was a dramatic change for me. I began to understand that God was extending grace to me, personally. I began to read about grace, looked up the word in my Bible concordance, and read every scripture associated with the word. I understood for the first time that the Gospel REALLY was about good news. I found a book by Charles Spurgeon about grace. I read much of what he wrote, and began to understand how God had been pursuing me, and calling me into his Kingdom my entire life. I spent months on this subject. I was speaking up in Sabbath School, with my Adventist friends, and my husband, telling everyone what I was learning. I received some warnings about reading non-SDA literature. A few shared my growing fascination with the goodness of God, and His grace. Most did not seem to get what I was excited about. God was just pouring His love into me, and I felt like I was understanding the Bible in a new way. I forgot to mention one significant thing… One day, years before I began attending pure “bible alone” study, I attended a task force meeting for domestic violence, and I ran into Dr. Jerry Gladson, who had been a Religion Professor at SMC when I was a student. I had always respected him as a Godly man, and one who was an incredible Bible scholar. I had heard he had left the Adventist Church, so I asked him about it. He confirmed that fact. I told him I could perhaps understand how he could leave the SDA “institution”, but I just could not understand how he could leave the Sabbath. I remember saying, “But the Saaaabbath, Dr. Gladson, how could you give up the Saaaaabbath”! That thought was inconceivable to me. He responded by telling me he was writing a book about his experience, and the Sabbath, and that he would send me a draft. He did do that, and I started to read it, and then…… ….to be continued. >>>Dont forget to pray about the Outlook situation. Thanks! | ||
| Hec Registered user Username: Hec Post Number: 413 Registered: 3-2009 |
"I started to read it, and then... (VOICE OVER:stay tune for the next chapter. Next chapter is crucial in the story, she got the book, and then... Well tune in again next time at the same time and the same station.) LOL I'll be praying for your contact list. Hec | ||
| Jrt Registered user Username: Jrt Post Number: 731 Registered: 10-2008 |
praying ... interesting ... I sent you an email Friday night with my phone number in it ... Do you have another email account to send to? Keri | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 661 Registered: 6-2005 |
You guys rock! Got my outlook back up, just a couple of minutes ago. Checked your responses, saw people were praying, and checked again....Drum roll.....Outlook up and running. It pays to be connected to prayer warriors and God! Keri, I was able to get your email too, so will call when I can. Lori | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 662 Registered: 6-2005 |
….Dr. Gladson sent me a draft of his book; I began to read it, and then promptly lost the entire draft of the book. I thought perhaps that God was protecting me from reading heresy, so I never attempted to re-contact Dr. Gladson at that point. I’m sure that even now, some of you are feeling as uncomfortable reading this part of my story as I was about reading his. As an Adventist, I was warned by my church, and by Ellen White, that in the end times, many people would “fall away from ‘THE TRUTH’ of Adventism, by being deceived. I was warned to stay away from those who had fallen into apostasy! I believed that because they had knowledge of “The truth” and had rejected it, that they were lost. Not much longer after that encounter I learned 2nd hand about a friend who has left the Adventist church. I remember being afraid to contact her. I asked around, and was told that she had “listened to some tapes, by some former Adventist, and had been deceived”. I remember being mad and hurt that she had not come to me, and even felt guilty for not being more of a support and friend to her. I thought that I had let her down, and therefore was partly responsible for her leaving. One other lady I knew left the Adventist church to attend a “Sunday church”. I was told that she had been disgruntled because the church would not allow her to lead out in a Bible Study. I did attempt to “reach out” to this lady, because I greatly admired her walk with Christ, and the way she had been a support to me in the past. I was hoping to help her heal her wounds with the Adventist church, and that she would return. Imagine how surprised I was when years later I contacted these women, and found out the real reasons they left the Adventist church—neither one because of hurt feelings or bitterness, but because, as was to later happen to me, the Holy Spirit had revealed the true Gospel of Jesus Christ to them, and they had made a decision to follow Jesus. My sixth year of studying the Bible book by book was pivotal for me. I studied the Gospel of John. I was completely fascinated by this book. No other book has been so powerful to me. I began to BELIEVE the word of God. I began to understand the power of the actual words of Jesus. I began to grasp issues like the holiness of God, the divinity of Jesus (not the same as the Adventist belief), the nature of God, and most importantly, the faithfulness of God. I prayed the prayers that Jesus prayed—his last prayers on this earth before he was crucified. I focused on the things that Jesus said, and did, and cared about. At some point I began to have questions about the Sabbath. I just could not understand how Christian people could “miss” the keeping of the Sabbath. I had developed very close friendships with a couple of women at this time. I trusted their walk with God. They did not “keep” a Sabbath, but they were wholly committed to God. While researching some things online about the Sabbath, I stumbled across a website. To this day, I am not sure how I got to that place. The website was “Former Adventist Fellowship”. I was shocked that such a group as this existed. I thought that I was basically alone in my questions. I really had not considered at that point that people might leave Adventism to join a mainstream Christian Church. I thought maybe they might leave because they were bitter, or were just plain backslidden, but I had no clue that there were thousands and thousands of people who had left and were in the process of leaving the Adventist Church because of being “called out” by God himself. I read stories posted there by many people who loved God with their whole hearts, and were serving him, but they did not seem evil, or bitter, or even rebellious. On the Former Adventist Fellowship Forum, former or questioning Adventists posted questions, had discussions, and even debated a bit. I remember trembling just looking at the site. I was curious and terrified at the same time. Finally, after snooping around a bit, reading the stories of people who had actually left the Adventist church, I registered for the forum, so that I could post questions. Here is a copy of my first post, from June of 2005: Hello! I wonder if I am the only one who feels scared even coming to this site?? I am a SDA member, in good standing, lol, With a child in an SDA school. I have been studying with a nondenominational bible study for several years, and have come to find this experience an uplifting and "church-type" fellowship. I am so impressed by the Christians of all denominations I have met there, and the joy that they demonstrate and possess. I am struggling mainly with the Sabbath issue. I can’t decide if it is in my own self interest to even consider not "keeping the Sabbath". And maybe it is wishful thinking on my part to think that it would be nice to not struggle every Saturday about what I can and cannot do, and then feeling so guilty when I pursue my own pleasure etc...And so the question to myself is, am I considering taking the "wide road that leads to destruction", because it is convenient and easy? I know I am not spiritually fed at my church, and in fact dread going a lot of times. I have recently developed a relationship of sorts with Jesus, but I must say all this thinking and studying is making me MAD!!! Why can’t all this be easy and clear-cut? Why would God hide his intentions from me when I am honestly seeking? Why do I struggle with the doctrinal issues? Why do so many disagree, and where is that voice that says clearly THIS IS THE WAY? I am soooo tired of not knowing, despite praying for clarity and peace. All I know is, when I am around other Christians in my study group, I want what they have. So hello anyway, and I hope to find something here from others with a similar background. The responses I got to that post, and many others, left me with plenty to think and pray about. Someone suggested I contact Greg Taylor, a former Seventh-day Adventist pastor who had written a book about the New Covenant, and his story of leaving Adventism. I had known Greg in college—in fact he was one of the people who helped and encouraged me when I had my “conversion” experience in college. We had been on witnessing teams, prayer groups and in Bible studies together. I knew that he loved God, and had been very sincere and committed to Him. I was able to reconnect with him, via phone and internet. I was relieved to find him still passionate about God—not at all bitter or defiant or miserable, but happily married with two kids and serving God fulltime in Christian ministry and missions. I would recommend his book to any of you—I will post a link later. One thing that happened for me was that I had slowly lost confidence in Ellen G. White. I had heard that she had plagiarized much of her writing, even parts that she had claimed came directly from her “accompanying angel” and from God. I had ignored that scandal in the past, but began to take a look at some of her writings with more scrutiny. I was surprised to discover that after years of “Bible only” study, that many statements EGW made had a chilling effect on me. They simply did not match up to the truth of the Bible that I had been studying. One day, I read a particular section of her writings that horrified me> To be continued….. | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 664 Registered: 6-2005 |
I read a quote of Ellen G. White that horrified me… "Parents stand in the place of God to their children, and they will have to render an account, whether they have been faithful to the little few committed to their care. Parents, some of you are rearing children to be cut down by the destroying angel, unless you speedily change your course, and be faithful to them. GOD CANNOT COVER INIQUITY, EVEN IN CHILDREN. HE CANNOT LOVE UNRULY CHILDREN WHO MANIFEST PASSION, AND HE CANNOT SAVE THEM IN THE TIME OF TROUBLE. Will you suffer your children to be lost through your neglect? Unfaithful parents, their blood will be upon you, and is not your salvation doubtful with the blood of your children upon you?--children who might have been saved had you filled your place, and done your duty as faithful parents should. {RH, March 28, 1893 par. 4} (EMPASIS MINE) I remember feeling like throwing up at that point. How dare anyone claim that GOD COULD NOT SAVE UNRULY CHILDREN, or even LOVE THEM!.. The whole quote sent me on a journey to ask God to show me with fresh eyes whether or not this “prophet” was of God. I found another set of quotes, which further horrified me. I could not believe that I had read these things in the past and not reacted. Suddenly it was as if God removed the blinders, and I saw horrible contradictions to what I now knew about God’s character. I went through such an emotional struggle at this time. I did not want to leave the Adventist church. I liked being Adventist. I liked my friends. It was all I knew. I wanted to defend my church. I wanted my son to grow up with good Sabbath memories like I had. Even as I continued studying the Sabbath, and participating on the Former Adventist Fellowship Forum, I was striving to convince people that the Adventist church had changed, and that People needed to stay to try to change it from within. Some of my Adventist friends commented that one could still “be an Adventist” even if you didn’t believe in or agree with Ellen G. White. I had a problem with that approach. If the SDA church called EGW a prophet of God, and a continuing and authoritative source of truth, then if I were an Adventist I would need to heed her council—all of it. Picking and choosing what I liked from her writings always bothered me. So I attempted to keep the Sabbath, and go about my business learning from the Bible only. I may have stayed in that horrible limbo, one foot in, one foot out, ignoring the obvious problems with Adventist doctrine for a much longer time, had it not been for a particular study. Someone pointed me in the direction of the covenant studies by Clay Peck, a former Adventist and current pastor of Grace Place church in Colorado. One day, while reading the studies online, http://www.graceplace.org/index.cfm/page/Covenant_Studies I noticed a chart comparing the two covenants. I did not even remember even studying about an old and new covenant in the past. I was floored by what I read. I SAW for the FIRST TIME EVER, what Jesus had done on the cross to usher us into the new covenant. It was as if I finally understood the completed Gospel, and I was speechless. When I understood the old vs. new covenants, and their significance, I was set free! Everything began to fall into perspective. I was able to grasp what had happened to bring about the “grace state” I was beginning to enjoy. Finally, after years of struggle, study, back and forth thinking, and confusion about the church I was raised in, I made a decision to investigate other churches. I began to secretly visit Sunday churches in the area. My husband and a few friends knew of these Sunday Church visits, but I was not ready to tell my family. My father was terminally ill with Parkinson’s disease. It was an awful disease. My mother was overwhelmed with her caretaking duties and the emotional toll of his illness. I didn’t want to hurt or traumatize him, and I certainly did not want to add to my mother’s burden. She was completely committed to the SDA church. I knew she would be devastated. I fully intended to wait until either my father was healed, or he died, to tell of my journey out of the Adventist church. God had other plans. God began speaking to my heart through things I was studying, and I knew I could no longer stay straddling the fence. I could not deny God, and what He was doing for and in me. The timing seemed all wrong, but the Holy Spirit would not let up, and I headed to Florida to talk to my mother over spring break. As you might imagine, this conversation broke her heart. She was convinced I would be lost, and take my son with me. It was a terrible time. I hated doing what I felt I needed to do, and that was to stand up for what I knew to be truth. I did not talk to my father, as he was so terribly ill, and we did not know how much he understood. I would simply sit with him for hours on end and read the bible and hold his hand. He had 24hr caregivers, as he was unable to walk or care for himself. I assured him that whatever he may hear from others about me, that I was closer to God than I had ever been in my lifetime, and he didn’t need to worry about my salvation. He was unable to speak by this time, but he indicated by his tears that he understood. I thought that once I got through this horrible assignment—to break my mother’s heart, and to go public with my decision to leave Adventism, that I would finally be able to celebrate my newfound joy in following Jesus 100%. I felt like my Jubilee year was coming—after 7 years of Bible study, all kinds of confusion and fear and endless questioning of my beliefs, that I was finally free! I was ready to move forward. I dreaded telling my friends at church, and was concerned about possible fallout for my son, who was in 7th grade at the local SDA School, but I was ready to live in integrity, and be true to my beliefs. The good life in Jesus was about to begin finally…..or at least I thought so. I had exactly one day back home in Atlanta to catch my breath after speaking to my parents, when I received the shock of my life… To be continued. Here is the link I forgot earlienr, to order Greg’s book or to contact him. Greg Taylor One Flock Ministries www.oneflockministries.org | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 7336 Registered: 3-2004 |
You are a very good writer and know how to leaving one hanging, waiting for the next part of the story. Thanks for sharing it with us. Diana L |
