| Author | Message | ||
| Cordurb Registered user Username: Cordurb Post Number: 20 Registered: 4-2009 |
My heart's desire for 12+ years has been to finance Kingdom ministries. For the first 11+ years of our marriage, this is what we did, gradually giving a higher and higher percentage of our income, and God continually blessed and increased us. My wife decided a year and a half ago to go back to Adventism ( I was not raised SDA). She grew out West, went to PUC, etc. She pretty much told me she was going to keep the Sabbath, and I could follow if I wanted, but she was going to SDA every Saturday. Now, she has informed me that she expects whatever I feel led to give, she expects to have an equal percentage to give to SDA churches / causes. This week I had to write a check to Amazing Discoveries and LLT Productions, as well as SDA church. My stomach is sick. She stays home with kids, I work my tail off, and now I am giving to this work. I am desperately trying to make my marriage work, and want to remain fully in my 4 and 5 year old girls lives all the time, but I am heart-broken giving my hard earned money to this church. I barely have the feeling in my fingers to type this out. What would you do? | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 7303 Registered: 3-2004  |
I paid tithe on money my ex earned and I was an at home Mom. It was not much and he did not like it and considered it his money. Since I have become a born again Christian I have discovered that should have been his choice as he earned the money. I have sent him a check and apologized for doing that. You are in a very hard situation. Has your wife threatened you in any way if you do not pay that money to the SDA causes? If she has not I would not do that. I would explain why. Keep praying about this and ask God to show you what to do. Praying for you and your wife and daughters. Diana L (Message edited by Flyinglady on August 01, 2009) | ||
| Cordurb Registered user Username: Cordurb Post Number: 21 Registered: 4-2009 |
It is more manipulation than that. Tells me this is how I am trying to control her. Meanwhile, I had compromised and was going to SDA church with her every other week and her with me, until she decided she had to go every week. I am not trying to control, just feel as though I am not allowed to spiritually lead my house. I don't want to give to these things. | ||
| Gcfrankie Registered user Username: Gcfrankie Post Number: 538 Registered: 1-2007 |
Cordurb, Does your wife have a budget she works with? If she does she should figure out how to get her tithe out of her budget. When I was sda and my hubby isn't I consulted the pastor about tithe and he told me it should come out of my budget not out of extra left over. Like the pastor explained to me it would be like working outside of the home and earning a wage and that my tithe would come out of my earnings only being my hubby is not sda. I hope this helps. Most churches tape the pastors sermons. See if you can get a copy of it and then you and your wife (if shes willing) sit down with your bibles and go through the sermon with your bibles and see where they disagree with Gods' word. I am praying for you and your family. Gail | ||
| Akweavers Registered user Username: Akweavers Post Number: 172 Registered: 8-2008 |
I don't see it as my money vs hers. Both people are working. You outside the home, her in the home. So, I'm not gonna say it is your money do you what you want with it. When you marry stuff is supposed to become "ours" IMO. I think disagreements about money are one of the top marriage breakers out there. That said, this is what I would do, just give her the same amount of dollars that you donate and let her put it where she wants. No one can dictate another persons beliefs, no matter how bad they want to. It is obvious that as long as you two are on different pages with your beliefs you are not going to get to be the spiritual leader and make all the decisions. At this point it just makes you look like a dictator and her a martyr. If she really believes she is in God's true church the more you push it the more she will believe she is being persecuted for the Lord's sake. Thankfully, there is still freedom of religion in this country. I personally don't think marriage should ever override that freedom. If it did, many people would be forced to live a life contrary to what they really believe. Another option, if she is agreeable, nobody gives anything to any church or organization. Together, find individuals that need help and put the money there. Otherwise split the donatations and forget it. God will work it out in His own way. That's my two cents worth. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 10193 Registered: 12-2003  |
I agree with Gail's suggestion. Her tithe should come out of her household budget. If there's no budget, you and she could probably figure one out that would represent what she spends. Then she could be responsible for literally budgeting her own tithe. Since she is the one wanting to give tithe to the SDA church, she is the one who should budget that tithe out of her own money, not out of joint money. I see merit in Akweavers' suggestion also--as the one on site, so to speak, you probably can tell better than anyone how this might best be resolved. Just remember that your obedience to the Lord Jesus should not be modified because of fear. While you need to love and respect your wife, you are not biblically bound to alter your principles and those of the family on the basis of manipulation. She must bear the responsibility for her own decisions; you cannot carry her responsibility for her. You will be affected by her decisions, but you can't legitimately take the burden of obligation to Adventism and carry it for her. I am also praying. Colleen (Message edited by Colleentinker on August 01, 2009) | ||
| Akweavers Registered user Username: Akweavers Post Number: 173 Registered: 8-2008 |
I think the book of Romans has some good advice when it comes to how people who have found true freedom in Christ should deal with people that haven't seen the light yet. These verses kinda sum up God's take on people's individual convictions. Romans 14:5 Who are thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand. Romans 14:10 But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at naught they brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. Romans 14:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way Romans 15:1-6 We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not please ourselves. Let everyone of us please his neighbour for his good to edification. For even Christ pleased not Himself: but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on Me. For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of scripture might have hope. Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be like minded one toward another according to Jesus Christ: That you may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. These are not just verses to bandy about and say, "See, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter anymore". They are verses that tell us how to deal with people that have not come as far in faith and enlightenment that we feel we have. What I get from these verses is, if we will be patient and not be a cause for someone else's stumbling, in the end we will "with one mind and one mouth glorify God" just like it says. All ya'll that have read my post know that I don't quote Bible. However, as I was reading the replies and finished reading Colleen's, these verses came to my mind and it seemed God wanted me to type this out, so there it is. (Message edited by akweavers on August 02, 2009) | ||
| River Registered user Username: River Post Number: 5302 Registered: 9-2006  |
I feel there is a lot more going on here than just the question of who gives what. | ||
| Cordurb Registered user Username: Cordurb Post Number: 22 Registered: 4-2009 |
Believe me, I think of it as "our" money. It is just hard to swallow when we seemed to be in agreement for 11.5 years. She reverses direction and I am expected to comply. There obviously is more going on. Thanks for your thoughts. Guess I wanted to hear if everyone thought it terrible that money was going to help these organizations. To me, the stronghold of adventism is pulling our family apart. This is just another aspect. | ||
| River Registered user Username: River Post Number: 5305 Registered: 9-2006 |
Well, if it helps, your putting your hard earned money into the same stronghold that is tearing you family apart. Kind of like paying a bank robber to rob your bank ain't it.  Boy ain't I a big help? An encouragement is what I is. Makes you feel all fuzzy inside don't it Cordurb? They tell me I have that effect on people. Now you hang in there and pray, I'll pray, these here folks will pray. I never met a problem God didn't solve, it behooves you to pray and have faith in God for your family, as the spiritual leader, the first thing us men got to do is check in with the supreme commander. Have faith in God, believe in God, depend on God and he will see you through these dark valley's that face you, the perplexities that tend to drag you down. If you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on. River | ||
| Cordurb Registered user Username: Cordurb Post Number: 23 Registered: 4-2009 |
Laughing is good. Kind of like medicine, I hear. I will press on. | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 7305 Registered: 3-2004 |
As I read this over, I agree on the budget for her and letting her do with it as she wants. I am still praying for you and your family. Diana L | ||
| Jeremy Registered user Username: Jeremy Post Number: 2928 Registered: 10-2004  |
"Guess I wanted to hear if everyone thought it terrible that money was going to help these organizations." Yes, I think it is absolutely terrible. I don't know what to say, but I can pray. Jeremy | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 10196 Registered: 12-2003 |
Ditto River and Jeremy. As a Christ-follower, Cordurb, you are obligated to love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her. That means your love must be sacrificial. So how did Christ love the church? He did only what His Father--not ANYONE else--told Him to do. He rescues the church from deception and evil and cleanses her by washing with water and with blood (read Eph 5). He protects her and provides for her as for His own body. The word "husband" comes from a word that means to care for livestock...and "husbanding" is exactly what a husband is supposed to do for his wife and children: guard and guide them, protect and provide, and keep them safe from danger. I don't have any idea how you have to go about this, Cordurb, but I believe that part of your dealing with God needs to be about having His own courage and authority and sacrificial love so you can protect your family from the danger of Adventism--and somehow not become part of supporting what is killing the spirits of your loved ones--while loving and caring for your wife as Christ loves the church. I am praying. Colleen | ||
| Cordurb Registered user Username: Cordurb Post Number: 24 Registered: 4-2009 |
Thanks Colleen. I agree. Thankfully, the weapons of our warfare are nor carnal, but mighty in God for the pulling down of strongholds. God can. You have once again hit the mark. Corey | ||
| Bb Registered user Username: Bb Post Number: 489 Registered: 7-2004 |
I don't think it is right that you are having to give to those organizations because it is something new that she has sprung on you! When I was in that situation (me sda, he not) I didn't expect him to just fork over money to them. He did sometimes before we realized what the church really was, just to be nice. It is sad that it is causing you inner turmoil. I think you should sneak some over to Proclamation to make you feel better. b | ||
| Cordurb Registered user Username: Cordurb Post Number: 25 Registered: 4-2009 |
Proclamation is officially on the donor list! | ||
| Nowisee Registered user Username: Nowisee Post Number: 60 Registered: 5-2009 |
Wow, it's too bad that she has gone back...how it must hurt to write out checks to a false gospel ministry. Personally, I don't think I would be the one writing those checks. Have you been able to have a loving discussion about this? Did she just tell you to do it without a discussion? Remember to love her & understand that taking care of 2 little kids is alot of work--thank her for the work she does. But tell her that this is really against what you feel God wants you to do. The budget idea is a good one. I will be praying that God really does something in this hard situation...what is impossible with man is possible with God! | ||
| Handmaiden Registered user Username: Handmaiden Post Number: 89 Registered: 7-2008 |
Dear Cordurb, My heart went out to you when I read this question. I am so sorry to be so late in responding … it is hard for me to be on the forum every day. But, God has knit my heart to you dear ones, who post here, so I come again and again when I can to help a little if i can. A Christian is called to DIE to SELF and LIVE for CHRIST. We are blessed to be a blessing to others. However, we will NULLIFY our witness and our testimony and our blessing to others if we COMPROMISE our walk with the Lord. COMPRISE led to this situation in the first place. It is NOT God’s will to support the enemy, the father of lies and his false religious system the sda. He has not given you peace in doing this. It would be better NOT to support the true church - God does NOT need your money! rather than to compromise and support both a true and a false church. I would repent of the compromise of going to the sda with my wife in the first place. I would make a genuine and sincere heartfelt appeal to my wife. I would ask her to forgive me for my compromise and ask her since you are divided, on which church is true to take a sabbatical from both churches and do a sincere investigation, into what both churches believe and why. Tell her a house divided cannot stand and for your marriage and the children’s sake would she be willing for both of you to study the Word of God alone…something both of you can agree on and NOT go to church or support a church until you two can agree on which church is true from the WORD. IF she sincerely loves God and desires His will she will be willing to seek His heart and will on this and to allow Him to lead you both into all truth. I would fast and pray for the Lord’s will to be done and for your wife’s heart to be softened and open to your heart and this investigation; BEFORE I approached her with this appeal. i would be willing to fast and pray with you for 3 days before you bring this appeal before your wife and invite any others who are willing to also fast and pray 3 days prior. Just let me know. My heart goes out to you Cordurb this is a very hard place to be in. But if you get before the Lord and cry out to Him. He will make a way where there is no way and bring you and your household out. But compromise has to stop. When the enemy comes in like a flood God’s standard must be raised even higher. May I ask what it was that after 11 years drew your wife back to the sda???? love and prayers handmaiden | ||
| Philharris Registered user Username: Philharris Post Number: 1764 Registered: 5-2007  |
Cordurb, Unlike Handmaiden, I am slow to see the obvious. Compromise is not the answer and I will join in prayer for you and your family. Phil |
