| Author | Message | ||
| Cathy2 Registered user Username: Cathy2 Post Number: 356 Registered: 2-2006 |
I well know how much we deal with and sometimes suffer from our Adventist parents when we leave Adventism. For some of us, the church of our ancestors, literally. (5 generations in my family, except for my kids) An Ellen quote from Keri mentally clarified something I have been vaguely aware of for years, but never really gave it much attention. In one sentence it really hit me that my parents were under tremendous internal--mental and emotional-- pressure to have perfect children. Otherwise, we would be lost and--in my father's understanding-- they would be held accountable to God, and, perhaps, be lost themselves, for our imperfection and loss of eternal life. (I believe my dad got this from Ellen, but I do not have any quote handy to prove it. Jeremy?) I think this was a great part of my father's intense tempers, sometimes, and a part of his depression. Certainly, mostly responsible for his obsessive perfectionism towards his children. Here is the short, partial quote (And there are so many more like this): "God requires perfection of His children..." Christ Object Lessons; pg. 315 My father died a year ago and my mother has Alzheimer’s; both Adventists to the end. I am sure that my dad died confused about my eternal destiny and my children's, though he was sweet at the end and my mother always inwardly wished that I would return to THE church, although she accepted my other-Christianity in time. If I had remained an SDA, I would have been in the same mental and emotional state; severely anxious that my children could not be safe unless they were SDA and kept away from all the SDA no-no's. I would have been an obsessive, controlling, boundry-bashing tyrant! I have a sister and brother, who are still SDA, and I see this comprehensive, floating, and prevasive anxiety over their children and their entire lives. Especially, when a non-SDA is around (like my kids and me  ) It does not matter that one is traditional/evangelical (figure that combo out?) and the other mostly life-style Adventist. That jaw-clenching fear is there, especially, when it comes to anything influencing their children away from Adventism. (Like us wearing earrings and eating meat. The SDA compulsive babbling begins) I am so thankful that God delivered me from that in my 20's (mostly) and that my children didn't have to grow up with an Adventist "helicopter parent". (I hope they appreciate that someday. Mom could have been so much worse. ) But it also makes me feel more compassionate towards my parents and sibs (and, especially, their kids), knowing that they are caught in a tangled net of fear and they have no idea nor hope of how to be set free. It is a great burden to be an Adventist parent for some. At least, for my family and their generations. As I have learned and am doing more and more, I go to prayer about them. I cannot fix it nor them. They would not listen if I tried to talk about it. Prayer and remembering takes away a lot of frustrations, when they are at their worst Adventism. Their pressure is legion and too much to bear. Any other SDA parents like this? Needing perfect children for the Adventist God and eternal life? Delivered and grateful, Cathy2 | ||
| Jennyclarinet Registered user Username: Jennyclarinet Post Number: 39 Registered: 10-2007  |
Actually, I have an example of an SDA woman being concerned about her mother's salvation. My boyfriend's grandfather remarried after his wife passed away, and his new wife converted from Catholicism to SDA. She was very close with her mother who also converted to SDA, but was never quite convinced that her mother's conversion was real. After her mom died, she lived the rest of her life worrying about her mother's sincerity to the SDA belief system. Several years ago, my boyfriend's dad came for a visit, and one night, he sat him down and said, "Son, I want to talk to you about your salvation." Even my SDA boyfriend was taken aback! It does not do to worry about another person's faith, in my opinion. That is between a person and God. Surely we can be witnesses and examples of Christianity to others, and we can pray for one another, but we cannot control how another person believes or acts. Interesting post...the controlling aspects of the SDA lifestyle causing anxiety in parents. It's sad, but also obvious to those of us on the outside. And I'm glad that you were able to get away from that mindset before having kids. | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 6946 Registered: 3-2004  |
Cathy, my son, this past Christmas, thanked me for not raising him a "traditional/historical" adventist. I raised him adventist, but left out the parts I did not like, which I thought came from my parents. I see now that lots of it came from EGW. Thank you awesome God for showing me how to raise my son. He no longer is SDA. Diana L | ||
| Doc Registered user Username: Doc Post Number: 400 Registered: 2-2003  |
I think "control" is a bad idea, even Jesus said so, no matter what the issue! | ||
| Cathy2 Registered user Username: Cathy2 Post Number: 357 Registered: 2-2006 |
Amen, Doc! Adventism controls most of one's life. | ||
| Doc Registered user Username: Doc Post Number: 403 Registered: 2-2003 |
Not only Adventism, unfortunately! |
