| Author | Message | ||
| Zar777 Registered user Username: Zar777 Post Number: 1 Registered: 10-2009 |
Hello, I am living with an SDA, we are about to be married. I am not SDA or ever will be, I do go to church with him, and listen to sabbath school on the Hope channel sometimes. I hate the teaching it is so unbiblical. I am full gospel. He is a great man, it pains me to see him being robbed of his freedom in Christ. He only believes what the pastor says. This pastor said when I asked him why the sabbath command is absent in the new testament, "well Paul didn't have to tell these believers, they were already Jews, and the gentiles were taught by the jews there. Anywhoo, I could use some advise on how to live with this amazing man, and our different beliefs. Thank you! | ||
| Philharris Registered user Username: Philharris Post Number: 2112 Registered: 5-2007  |
Zar777, Welcome to the forum. Having grown up in a 'split' family, I shudder at what you say you are about to do. Fearless Phil | ||
| Skeeter Registered user Username: Skeeter Post Number: 733 Registered: 12-2007 |
Zar777, Maybe before you marry this "amazing man" you should get a few things straight with him.... If you have children someday, will he insist they be raised SDA ? Most probably... Will he insist you get married by a SDA minister ? If so,, most of them will not do the ceremony unless YOU become SDA also. Since you go to church with HIM, see if he would be willing to attend church with YOU at the church of YOUR choice . Personally ... I would put off the marriage until I got some straight answers and until / unless he is willing to go through a series of BIBLE studies with you and be willing to at least consider the possibility that he may have a wrong concept of what the Bible really teaches and is willing to study the BIBLE to see what it actually says without any SDA "helps". IF he is NOT willing to do that... for you,,,, then just maybe he is not such an "amazing man" after all...? It would be much better to find out now than after you are married. It could save you a LOT of heartache. Francie | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 8168 Registered: 3-2004  |
I agree 100% with Francie. If he resists anything she suggested you try, I would turn and run the other way as fast as I could. It will save a lot of heartache. Diana L | ||
| Jeremy Registered user Username: Jeremy Post Number: 3233 Registered: 10-2004  |
I agree with the above advice. Remember, God's Word tells us:
Those are strong words, but they are important ones to live by. And they certainly apply to relationships between Christians and cultists. Jeremy | ||
| Cordurb Registered user Username: Cordurb Post Number: 92 Registered: 4-2009 |
Zar777, when I first married my wife, she was not practicing sda. She went back to it 11.5 years into our marriage through the influence of her mom and Walter vieth videos. This all happened after our kids were born. This has been very difficult. I would highly recommend working through at least that issue first. | ||
| Joyfulheart Registered user Username: Joyfulheart Post Number: 666 Registered: 10-2006 |
Zar777, It sounds like you really did find someone special - and I'm so happy for you! Unfortunately, as you know he is in a false church. I strongly consider you to check out the full range of beliefs that Adventists hold dear. The believe all other protestant church are the scarlet harlot's daughters (Babylon). Food - though it may not seem so now will be a big issue if kids come. Adventists believe they alone have the truth. Ellen White is their prophet and they believe what she says. You may want to check out some of her strange teachings. Zar, marrying an Adventist is NOT like marrying a Christian from another denomination. Adventism is a whole different subculture. The gospel is compromised. Unless he is willing to renounce Adventist beliefs that he has (I'm assuming held since childhood), he will most likely default to them as needed. He will want your children in the Adventist school - and possibly boarding academy to be taught Adventist beliefs. He may resent you for interferring with his heart held beliefs. It may be helpful to think of marrying an Adventist as marrying a mormon or Jehovah's Witness. It probably won't seem like there is any similarity now. Adventists hide their true colors from outsiders. You probably are already praying - and I'm now praying with and for you. Please don't do anything permanent until he renounces Adventism. I hope you'll consider reading the stories on this web site. (Maybe someone else here can suggest specific ones). Cherie Stark's testimony on the ellen white exposed site is profound. Also Rick and Cheryl Barker (who are on this forum) have a powerful story. You may want to consider checking out www.ellenwhiteexposed.com, www.exadventist.com www.truthorfables.com, www.nonegw.com and www.nonsda.com. You've come to a great place to find out about Adventism! I know this sounds so negative - and I don't want to sound that way. When heart strings are being pulled and a guy is fabulous, and seemingly everything you've ever wanted, it can be really hard to look at this one part as a deal breaker - especially if he's not currently a staunch Sabbath keeper or Ellen White devotee. I just hope and pray that you will keep your eyes wide open. Praying for you - and that your friend will see and believe the true gospel of Christ, Patty | ||
| Foofighter Registered user Username: Foofighter Post Number: 122 Registered: 7-2005 |
I would totally agree with the above comments. Living the SDA lifestyle, even a more moderate one, is so restricting and unbiblical. I think the frustration of living with this could be a stumbling block in many ways. As for having and raising children, this is sometimes a spark for some to become even stronger in SDA beliefs. Think long and hard about this. Another thing, SDA's usually think that they can eventually convert a spouse, because after all, they have the truth! And you will of course, eventually see this. They expect others to bend to their beliefs, but are not as often willing to bend to others. | ||
| Psalm107v2 Registered user Username: Psalm107v2 Post Number: 657 Registered: 10-2008  |
Hello Dear Sister, I am in a "mixed" marriage as my wife is not a Christian. It is difficult to say the least and my heart aches on a daily basis. I do not have the joy of serving the LORD with my spouse-and when I see my friends or any other Christian couple I covet the equal yoking that they have (I don't wish their wives were mine I praise God they have that relationship yet wish I had the same in my home). At times I have to fight for the spiritual well being and unteach errors to our children. The only thing that would be worse is if she was an SDA. When I was an SDA if I dated a nonSDA conveting them was agenda #1. I was even successful at it on one occasion. Praise God today she is not SDA today and is attending a different church. A fellow I know who is SDA said the following as a "toast" to the new bride who had just converted to the SDA church. When you go grocery shopping you will run into people who will be looking at what you have in your cart. They aren't strange--they are Seventh-day Adventists and they will just be there to encourage you to make sure you aren't buying meat--especially bacon so that you stay on track. If you marry him the SDA church will permeate EVERY area of your life. I will pray for you. Enoch | ||
| Surfy Registered user Username: Surfy Post Number: 660 Registered: 11-2007 |
First, you asked for advice so here it is. You are living with a guy and you are not married to him? How did that happen? I am assuming that you are more than just roommates. Is that in accordance with your beliefs...or his? I don't think so. Any man that calls himself a Christian should show more love and respect for his wife to be and not put her in the position that he has put you in. SDA or not, I think he has shown that he is not capable of making the spiritual decisions for the family. I am sorry to be so blunt on our first encounter together. I hardly ever give any advice but you did ask for it. I just think you will be putting yourself, and your future family, under the spiritual covering of a man that does show that he is capable of handling it. And welcome to the forum. Surfy | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 8169 Registered: 3-2004 |
Zar777,When I was adventist I dated a man who wanted to marry me. I would not marry him unless he became SDA. I dated him 3 years. I would not sleep with him unless we were married. He became SDA. As soon as we were married he quite going to church, paying tithe, etc. I made his life miserable. We divorced after one child and 15 years of marriage. Do you want that???? Unless you want that, do not marry him. Diana L | ||
| Cindy Registered user Username: Cindy Post Number: 854 Registered: 7-2000 |
Zar777, I also agree with all of the above... I would encourage you to begin a marriage being spiritually equally-yoked. My husband and I have been married 36 years now, and although we have had some very rough years and times, by the miraculous and persistent grace of God we have both been led into the reality of the New Covenant! I am grateful that God brought us both out of Adventism into the clear light of Jesus alone. We have many, many good conversations and a fun companionship because of this unity. Marriage is difficult enough with the merging of personalities and preferences without having to battle spiritual differences that would definitely come one's way in the union you propose. I think the suggestions on waiting for now and both studying/praying more (and moving out, also, if you're living with him), are really good ones to follow thru on! grace, cindy | ||
| Madelia Registered user Username: Madelia Post Number: 198 Registered: 2-2003 |
Zar777, I am glad you found the forum! I rarely post, but when I saw your post, I had to chime in! I have to second what Surfy says. I was in the same situation as you a few years ago. I was living with my ex-husband and in order to marry him I had to become an SDA. I felt so guilty that I was living with him that I agreed. I tried to live the SDA life, but I couldn't for long. My ex was not so strong in his beliefs until the children came along. It really made for a miserable life. If you would ever like to talk, I could get my information to Colleen. Please, please, reconsider marrying him! | ||
| Asurprise Registered user Username: Asurprise Post Number: 1254 Registered: 7-2007 |
Zar777 welcome to the forum!  I'd like to mention that if children come along, you'll want to teach them about Christianity and that if they accept Jesus as their Savior, they are saved. If your husband-to-be is a devout SDA, he will undermine that. He will feel obligated to teach the children in accordance with his beliefs, which means he will be teaching them that they cannot REALLY be saved that way. The Adventist "gospel" teaches that a good part of salvation is up to the individual to be maintained on a day to day basis. Now I'm not saying that all Adventists are lost. A few of them miss this aspect and are actually able to completely accept Jesus' sacrifice for themselves. (One example is Dale Ratzlaff's testimony in his book "Truth Led Me Out.") In my case though, I believed what Ellen White taught about it and no matter how gospel a sermon, I always viewed it through Adventist glasses. I wasn't saved until AFTER God rescued me out of the SDA church. And THEN I was able to finally "put my weight down" on what the apostle Paul said in Ephesians 2:8,9 about a believer having been saved by grace and the fact that salvation is a free gift. Now I believed the Bible when I was an SDA, so I believed this. I also believed Ellen White so I thought she "explained" it. These particular verses in Eph. 2:8,9 so thoroughly contradicted Ellen White, that I was forced to take both these verses and her metaphorically and come up with a middle position where I still didn't completely accept Jesus as my Savior. (Even THIS didn't give me cognitive dissonance.) I suspect most SDAs are in that position. Not saved, because they can't "put their weight down" on Jesus. They don't believe His work is finished even though He said "It is finished," because they believe He is conducting the "Investigative Judgment" right now (starting in 1844). | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 11235 Registered: 12-2003  |
Zar777, I'm just now catching up on the forum and saw your post. Welcome! I have to say, I agree completely with all the observations and insights above. First, living with him sounds like a compromise for you if you are a Christian. Second, even if he is a "lazy Adventist", he will expect that you will come to see "the light" and accept "the truth" of the Sabbath. For sure he will want your children going to Sabbath School. Have you read any of the Proclamation magazines, or any of the material online about Adventism? Proclamations are available here. You'll also find some excellent studies on this website as well as on that one.. Adventism has an altered Jesus, a false view of the nature of man, an incomplete atonement, a prophetess, and satan is the scapegoat who bears the final punishment for the sins of the saved. There is a spiritual "claim" on Adventism; that is one of the reasons it is so hard to "argue". You must know what the Bible really says in order to combat Adventism. Colleen | ||
| Bobj Registered user Username: Bobj Post Number: 478 Registered: 1-2006  |
Hi Zar777 The same scripture Jeremy quoted above also came to my mind (2 Cor 6:14,15) I will pray for you. Stand firm now. It will make all the difference in the world in your life. Frankly, I wouldn't risk it for all the money in the world. Life is too short. I write this tenderly, but I'd urge you to find a way to defer and delay, and pray for God's direction. |
