| Author | Message | ||
| Philharris Registered user Username: Philharris Post Number: 243 Registered: 5-2007  |
Our one and only motive for what we are or do should be love for Jesus Christ. Lori, your comments (on another thread) about anger towards EGW, etc. jogged my memory of the same anger in my life and how the Lord lead me from that into agape love for others that I am still in the process of learning. I grew up in a family that was poor, both materially and spiritually. In all probability, this was as a result of my dad's bitter experiences growing up as a third generation Adventist. There were other factors, but SDA theology was the backdrop to how we lived. The one thing positive event that overrides all others is that my grandmother led me to the Lord at age six. Looking back, I can see that a guardian angel protected me during the hard times to come. By the age of eight, I needed a spiritual confidant but there was no one. Dad was bitter about all things spiritual. Mother, apparently due to two major head injuries, was very simple minded. At the same time, I started having the nightmares that I have mentioned on other threads. With no one to trust with my inner feelings, I developed the idea that I was a failure. I could not think or do the things normal people did, and simply was different from all others. I joined the SDA church at age twelve but by age sixteen, "knew" I was going to hell because there was no way I would ever become perfect. After high school, I decided to join the Marine Corps. The first step was to take the I. Q. test at the induction center in Oakland. I scored extremely high and could have applied for Office Candidate School, but could not bring myself to believe the results of the test. So, I had a mediocre three years of military service instead. After that, I took the apprentice test at Mare Island and scored very high. It was a total surprise shock. I really could think. So, for the first time in my life I did something I really wanted to do and became a Shipfitter. My years in the trade has been very good because I love building and working with my hands. However, I didn't extend this thinking to my inner life. Looking back, I see that the Lord was leading me one step at a time and I never was out from under his protective arms. My personal story (on this forum) covers how I turned my life back to the Lord. Suffice it to say, for many years I considered myself as only good with building but not a "people" person. The next step in my spiritual development came when I finally knew that EGW was the prime cause of how I grew up. For a time I really hated her so violently I cried and literally beat on the walls around me. Then, the Lord showed me that we are not controlled by what others do or say to us. Jesus in our lives is bigger than all of that. What the Lord is now doing in my life is giving me his love for others. And, this is giving me a desire to expose SDA theology for what it is. Our goal should be to lead others out from under the bondage and lies that we have escaped from. Our motive should be to share the love of Jesus Christ. Phil | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 6996 Registered: 12-2003  |
Phil, thank you for sharing your story. (I'm certainly not surprised you scored so high on your tests.) Your progression through self-flagellation and self-doubt into anger at EGW and ultimately into a passion to help other people escape the bondage that we have shared is so familiar. It is really helpful to discover that our intense reactions and feelings are not abnormal but are a normal reaction to having been bound for years in an abusive system that taught us it was TRUTH. Praise God that He has led us to Himself! We love having you here, Phil! Colleen |
