| Author | Message | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 402 Registered: 6-2005 |
I sometimes feel like I am in a great minority as a Former Adventist here with a "past" in Adventism that was less than perfect. Was I the only backslider to ever make it out of Adventism? Is it typically only the "good Adventist's" that move on to be formers who are devout Christ followers? I will copy something I wrote on the member only section tonight: I had several good strong backslides in my days of Adventism. And I was certainly an "Ellen Thumper" or "Pharisee" when I returned from one of my slides! Its like I had to try twice as hard to be perfect, to atone for my sinful rebellious periods. Looking back, I didn't like myself as a backslider, and I didn't like myself as a legalist either. This all came to mind when someone mentioned the Academy they attended. I think we went to the same academy, and I was ashamed to post that fact, because I wasn't sure if they would remember me from a "perfect adventist" year, or if it was a "party adventist" year. Small community that Adventism is, It seems you can never shed your reputation, if you ever do backslide. It's hard even writing this, without feeling the old feelings of shame and judgment. I guess one more layer to take to God. I will say with the most grateful heart. Thank you Jesus, for you grace, that sets me free from an destructive cycle of fruitless efforts at self-sanctification, in a toxic system. Lori | ||
| Marysroses Registered user Username: Marysroses Post Number: 39 Registered: 4-2007 |
One consequence of having reached out to find other "formers", is I have been asked to post my 'story' on a website for others to read. I'm struggling with this, as in many ways I do not want to do it. I was like you, I had my backsliding periods, bookended with 'pharisee' periods as I tried to make up for my backslides. Even after I left, I have struggled and have periods of my life I'm not proud of. Still, if anything I can say will help someone else its worth the effort. I have very mixed feelings about being so open with strangers, I already feel the judgmental fingers that will point out all my failings to say to themselves "well, she wasn't a good Adventist anyway". But isn't that the point, we can never be 'good enough' yet God loves us anyway. MarysRoses | ||
| Cathy2 Registered user Username: Cathy2 Post Number: 275 Registered: 2-2006 |
Dear 'Backsliders', You do not have to be 'good enough'; God--Christ is LOVE, HELP, DELIVERANCE, and MERCY to depend upon, while we live out our lives the best we can and know about. My backsliding (beginning at age 17), eventually, led me right out of SDA deception into Christ, Himself. Truly knowing our sin drives us straight to Christ. God uses everything to find us (in spite of ourselves). In Christ, Cathy | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 3838 Registered: 3-2004  |
Hey ladies, you are not the only backsliders. I was one also. After my divorce, I quit going to church on a regular basis, danced every Friday night, wore make up and jewelry(could not pierce my ears though). I was rebaptized at one time sometime about 1984/85. But there was nothing to hold me there and I went back to my "back sliding" ways. I figured that because the SDA church did not like divorce, God did not either. After all, divorce was only if one of the parties committed adultery. So I decided to be the best sinner I could be, and I was good at it. I did not drink or do drugs though. After I came down with chronic fatigue syndrome I could not run around like I had done and my outward backsliding stopped. I was a "backslider" SDA when I moved to NV. Then I met Jesus Christ and everything changed. That was in Dec 2003/Jan 2004. I have asked God to forgive me and He has. Some of the things I did were things a Christian would not do. So, just because I was a backslider, does not mean that I did not love God. I loved Him insofar that I knew Him. It was not much. It is all to God's Honor and Glory that I have changed. I cannot claim any of the change. Thank you God for changing me. You are awesome. Diana | ||
| Wooliee Registered user Username: Wooliee Post Number: 89 Registered: 6-2005 |
Sounds familiar to me Lori! I would say that I was a backslider for a long time and when I went back I felt like I had to atone as well. I thought, "if only I could keep the sabbath as devoutly as I did when I did when I was growing up and lived at home, then maybe Jesus would love me more and do more for me and my family." I also felt more righteous when I was eating a more vegetarian diet and drinking Roma instead of coffee (shudder), and oh the arguments I would sometimes have with my husband about sabbath TV watching! Now I'm happy to know that Jesus loves me even though I am a sinner, and my husband's relationship with Christ has grown since I've quit arguing with him about shoulds and should nots. Now our conversations focus on how awesome God is. Julie | ||
| River Registered user Username: River Post Number: 921 Registered: 9-2006  |
I am reminded by this conversation of the woman in luke 7:37 who took a box of ointment to anoint Jesus feet, she was crying so profusely that she washed his feet with her tears, she did not do this purposely, her tears flowed so profusely she could not help it as she prepared Jesus feet for the ointment and she wiped them with the only thing available to her in her great time of emotional upheaval, her hair. She was so broken before the Lord that it would not have dawned on her there might have been a towel laying two feet away. She wanted to do Jesus a service, but she was so broken in love and repentance and acceptance that this happened. Jesus saw a brokenness of heart and spirit, the disciples saw a weepy woman sinner. A few years ago I just drifted, I don’t know what else to call it, I had quit reading my Bible and I did things which I am ashamed of. One morning the Lord gently called me to repentance, and I realized what I had done. If I would have tried to anoint his feet at that time, much the same thing would have happened, I was completely broken before the Lord. I am so grateful for his Love and forgiveness. But for his mercy and grace where would any of us be? Jesus accepts a broken and contrite spirit. River | ||
| Thomas1 Registered user Username: Thomas1 Post Number: 215 Registered: 4-2002  |
No, you are not alone. Backsliders simply "slide". I ran with total abandon. I have broken every one of the commandments. Every one. I am sure I can give you "fifty ways" to break each one. If Grace can save me, it can save anyone. I suppose that's why God chooses someone like me. It's a real good answer to the one who says "I've come to far for God to save." Yep, he can and will. Just look what He did for me. When I am weak, that's when He is strong! <>< Thomas | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 3847 Registered: 3-2004 |
Thomas, It is good to hear from you. How are you doing? God is so good and so awesome. Like you, if God can save me, He can save anyone. Thank you God. Diana | ||
| Reb Registered user Username: Reb Post Number: 172 Registered: 5-2007 |
I wasn't a very good Adventist, either. I read the newspaper on the Sabbath, snuck shrimp from time to time and even occasionaly moderately drink alcohol(not to drunkeness). I realised that there was NO WAY I could be perfect and would probably be annihilated anyway so why even bother anymore. But I still wanted to be as good as I could be just in case. Praise God that Christ is doing for me what I can't do for myself! | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 403 Registered: 6-2005 |
Interesting, the only time I feel shame about my "backslidden" times, are when I am around Adventist's, particularly those who knew me in Academy and College, during times of rebellion. Its like I was forever labeled as rebellious or "wild", and some people could never see past that to believe that I had experienced repentance and renewal, even as an adult in an Adventist community. I do not feel any condemnation from God re those times. I was forgiven years ago, and He remembers it no more. It is good to here from other former's, who take the risk to be real. Jesus not only forgives and redeems the past, He often ANNOINTS the past, when we submit it to Him, to allow us to go back and minister to those with similar hurts and failings. Lori | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 3849 Registered: 3-2004 |
Reb, I hung onto the Sabbath, just in case. When I went into my sinning to the utmost mode, I like you thought that I would be annihilated and who would care then. Lori, God has taken the shame I felt. Now I do not think of it, unless something like this comes up and I can share. We have such an awesome God who forgives us, everything!!! Thank you God for Jesus, who made it all possible. Diana | ||
| Tricia Registered user Username: Tricia Post Number: 63 Registered: 3-2006 |
Lori, I was not the "good adventist", by no means. I hope you got my e-mail--my computer doesn't always act right or I do something wrong and mess it up. Were you at Bass in 1975-1976? I was there during that one year. I didn't know a lot of people because I wasn't involved with activities. Tricia | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 6118 Registered: 12-2003  |
Lori, I understand that shame around your Adventist friends. Even though I always wanted to "be good", I had some really "not good" years in my late 20's-early 30's. I also experienced a lot of shame, judgment, labelling, and veiled ostracism. I realize now that God used these terrible times to help me see how hopeless I was and in need of divine rescue. My desire to "be good" just wasn't cutting it. I WASN'T good! I needed Someone besides Jesus-as-my-example. I needed a complete Savior! Colleen | ||
| Dennis Registered user Username: Dennis Post Number: 1120 Registered: 4-2000  |
Yes, indeed, we need more than an Exemplar, we need a Savior and a Substitute. Dennis Fischer | ||
| Lori Registered user Username: Lori Post Number: 55 Registered: 11-1999 |
Hello everyone!! I used to be a frequent post-er on here years ago and now I just drop in every couple of months. More often than not I just read but I had to post on this one. I don't suppose I was a "bad adventist". At my worst I was mischievousness cloaked beneath an exterior of innocence (I could get away with most anything because I was never suspected by faculty). At my worst, I could play word games to my advantage in order not to get in trouble even though I should have been in pretty deep. I developed a despise for EGW in my late teens. It never waned and I evidently studied myself out of the church. (Seek and you will find.) I can understand how it would bother you to be viewed as not a good adventist and then you leave and everyone who knew you is saying to themselves, "Well, she never was a good Adventist......not surprised at this." (If you were considered to be a good Adventist then they say how deceived you have become!!!) I just find it somewhat humorous to be bothered by the judgment of a Pharissee. A white-washed tombstones opinion of us years ago concerns us?? The only way that any of "us" would be considered acceptable is if we renounced our renouncement of the Adventist beliefs. Then we could grovel our way back into their good opinion. Do you remember what you felt like when someone went astray and then came back to church? Were you happy for them? Or did it validate your beliefs? It validated my beliefs as an Adventist. When someone new joined or someone left and came back it made me feel more justified in what I believed because they had tried something else and come back. Who cares about what you did when you were in your teens? Who cares about your past? Look Mary Magdalene...she had quite a past!!!! It's our future that is of the greatest concern. Keep your eyes on the goal before you!!! We are "IN CHRIST" and our future couldn't possibly be any brighter!!!! Much love, Lori | ||
| Flyinglady Registered user Username: Flyinglady Post Number: 3861 Registered: 3-2004 |
Lori, I do not worry or am concerned about what people think of me. My SDA friends did not despise or reject me when I left and now they have left adventism. Sooo, I keep my eyes on Jesus and what He thinks of me is important to me. Diana | ||
| Belvalew Registered user Username: Belvalew Post Number: 1073 Registered: 7-2004 |
In my family we had a code word for someone who was wrestling with their Adventism. We called them Badventists. It was really a hoot when I realized I was a Badventist. That is all behind me now, and for a lot of the people I have known. If we are still populating the earth we are grateful for every day. I can even say that I've reconnected with a number of my Adventist friends and they are glad to still know me, as I am glad knowing them. I have one friend who considers herself a missionary to Scottsdale, Arizona. She is one of the few ordained female Adventist ministers, and I've heard her preach wonderful, grace-filled sermons. We have finally agreed to disagree on the minor things and celebrate the fact that we are sisters where it matters. The thing about finally learning of the Gospel of Grace is that is so much easier to stop looking at self, and start moving out into the world that Jesus put us here to love. | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 404 Registered: 6-2005 |
For me, those days of academy/college backsliding were over 20 years ago! It's not something I typically think about. Thats why I was surprised by the feelings surfacing. God has been showing me that my 20 plus years as a "Good Adventist" were not really all that good either. I am beginning to believe the behavior needing repentance was the hypocritical behavior. Jesus always called out the hypocrites. I claimed membership in a church, afirmed 27 fundamentals, but did not always follow them. ie, agree that, "Yes EGW was a prophet sent to the one true church", but then disreguard her cousel on diet and eat cheese! or disreguard her cousel on sabbath keeping, and go eat out in a restuarant on Sabbath, or put my child in school at age six, Or walk into a movie theater, as long as it wasn't too bad. Oh well, you are right Lori, the past is past, the future is bright! God is healing this piece of history that I didnt even know was wounded so deeply. Yes, Tricia I went to Bass. My closest lifelong friendships were formed there. I thank God for those friends. I will find your email and answer you! | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 6125 Registered: 12-2003 |
Hey, Lori, it's so good to see you here again! Thanks for your right-on perspective. Javagirl, I understand what you are saying. The hypocritical-ness is "the thing" for me, too. On the one hand, I wanted desperately to "be good". (When I was a pre-teen and an early teen I used to plead with God to make me good. It never happened!) On the other hand, I just couldn't be good deep down where it mattered. I could rationalize and excuse myself while overtly continuing my pursuit of "goodness". I finally had to realize that I was hopelessly doomed; I was not immune to sins I disdained in others. I had to admit I was--well, DEPRAVED! Praise God for Jesus our Substitute and Savior! Colleen | ||
| Javagirl Registered user Username: Javagirl Post Number: 405 Registered: 6-2005 |
UH! I didn't mean I needed to repent of going to a movie, or eating cheese! I hope that was clear. I meant I need to repent of living without integrity, laying claim to the Adventist Church and Beliefs, and then mocking the same by actions described above that were contrary to the teachings. If I wasnt living fully under EVERY SDA doctrine and EVERY EGW teaching, I should not have sold SDA literature door to door. I should not have worked at SDA camps, I should not have gone as a student missionary, I should not have claimed to be a Seventh-day Adventist. I believed I had SDA "truth". I believed it was from God. I picked and chose what to obey from what I believed was an "authoritative source of truth" from God. Therefore, I was deliberately disobedient to God, when I chose only the parts of his "message" to me that I felt like obeying. That calls for repentance--a contrite heart, and a turning away. Lori Lori | ||
| Jim02 Registered user Username: Jim02 Post Number: 109 Registered: 5-2007 |
Backsliding: Count me in. It is a cycle. I saw a poster once for a 12 step program. It showed a "spiral" of a alcoholic or some addiction. Religous awareness was part of the consequential symptoms. The spiral was a vertical loop. Climb , flip , fall, climb , flip , fall. That is how it gets to be in dissonance. Why. Because we never get a handle on the problem, fail to find an answer, do not achieve nourishment, remain confused or whatever , it all gets to the fact that backsliding is a condition that requires "Healing". | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 6132 Registered: 12-2003 |
Lori (JavaGirl), your meaning was totally clear to me! It reminded me of me. Our pastor, in preaching through the book of Mark, preached a sermon last week on marriage and this week on divorce. They were very insightful and clear sermons. He stressed both weeks that the core concern in marriage is a heart that is soft toward God and soft toward one's spouse. God permitted Moses to allow Israel to have divorce because of their "hard hearts", and divorce actually was a protection for wives whose husband's didn't want them anymore. Gary said, I have to acknowledcge that the issue in my own marriage is me. I have to keep a soft heart. The issue is always, in every situation, our hearts. Colleen |
