| Author | Message | ||
| Trying Registered user Username: Trying Post Number: 3 Registered: 10-2006 |
Hi all. I lurk a lot and post little. I do what I want on saturndays. Shop, tv, laundry, and house projects. I have said I donít believe in this church and only go for the little one to see me there. I need your help with my 4 year old who says to me ìthatís not what your supposed to do on Sabbathî. I look into those innocent eyes and canít come up with a come back. I donít know what to say. Please give me some suggestions. Thank you | ||
| Melissa Registered user Username: Melissa Post Number: 1536 Registered: 7-2003 |
Trying, I wish I had an answer for you. I have a 3 year old that tells me 'people don't eat pigs' cuz my daddy says so ... and contradicting him only creates angst. I've tried telling him those are daddy's rules, not mommy's rules, but that doesn't always work. I am in that same boat...wondering what to say to my child. I personally wouldn't go to the church so he knows I DON'T support what they teach, but that's me. My child will be forced to do things with me that his dad's religion says is not only wrong because daddy said so, but wrong because "God" says so. At this age, there is very little I can say to him to contradict "God". But my 3 year old knows Moses just like he knows Jesus. That's from his dad's world. It is not easy, and only time will tell if I do it right or not. And by then, it will be too late. I wish I had more comfort for your dilemma, but I would most definitely not be present in the church. To me, it sends a message of support that I could not send. Others on here I know have done it differently. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 5318 Registered: 12-2003  |
Trying, I also don't have a good answer, but I do believe that the more truthful one can be, the less crazy-making it isóeven if it means admitting you and Daddy/Mommy don't agree. But there is also a place for supporting the spouse and respecting him, too. Situations differómy biggest caution would be against pretending that you are something you really aren't. You can find ways to respect the "family Sabbath traditions" if that's apprpriate (I'm not saying it is or isn't!) while still teaching your child about Jesus being his Sabbath rest. Perhaps Mary might see this and postÖshe experienced some similar situations. Colleen | ||
| Madelia Registered user Username: Madelia Post Number: 159 Registered: 2-2003 |
Trying, your situation sounds so much like mine and Melissa's. It is very hard, isn't it?? I think for me it's been living as an example. If I would go to church I was miserable. So I stopped going. There were awful verbal arguments. I tried to be respectful of my spouse, but he was not respectful of me. Kids are very perceptive and they see what is going on. I did end up getting a divorce, not just because of the religious differences, but due to his lack of insight into his behavior and for emotional and verbal abuse. My kids are doing so much better now. I have sole custody and even though they have time with their dad it's a few hours a week. So they feel safe. I'm not saying that's the answer for you, just want you to know I feel for you and will pray for you. Amy | ||
| Helovesme2 Registered user Username: Helovesme2 Post Number: 803 Registered: 8-2004  |
Dear Trying, I feel your pain! As Amy and Melissa have mentioned, you're not alone in dealing with it. I don't have any magic to suggest, but here's a bit of my own experience and some things I found helpful and some things that did not do so well! When I attended church as an Adventist I looked for spiritual food there. I felt the dry barrenness of a religion that spends way too much time dwelling on our human imperfections (real and imaginary) and way to little time exalting Jesus and his precious sacrifice. I used up lots of time trying to see in the Bible what was being taught from the front. As time went on I actually stayed home from church fairly frequently to spend time with quietly with God, studying the Bible for myself. I found it much more profitable and much lest exhausting than dealing with the politics and personalities of that church. Then, for the first while after I was freed from Adventism I returned to attending church regularly with my then-husband and three young children. To my surprise, I found much more grace to attend happily after leaving the Seventh Day Adventist Reform Movement than I had when I'd attended as member. So far as I can tell, the reason for this change was that I was doing it out of obedience to God's leading instead of 'because the law says so', in other words, because I was doing it by faith. My purpose was to support my husband so far as I could (he often preached), and to spend as much of the weekend with my family as I could since I was getting time focussed solely on God at other times. I met my spiritual hunger by personal study and by visiting other local (non-SDA) churches when I could. The church visiting part was a bit difficult to manage since I was not to let the children know where I was going on Sundays or how I differed in beliefs from their father. With the children I took a policy of only speaking of religious differences if they asked me a specific question about it, then I'd refer as often as I could to the Bible itself. I would say something like, "Well, in the Bible it says, " . . . ." and that's why I " . . . . " For example, about Sabbath I would explain yes that is what I taught you, but I made a mistake to teach you that way. The Bible teaches that Sabbath was one of the days that God gave the Jews to point forward to Jesus, that it had pointed to the rest we can have in Jesus every day, and that now Jesus is our 'Sabbath', our rest, so we no longer need to 'rest' on Saturday. (Incidentally, I've also found that the whole week is more restful than Saturday often was when I 'kept' it. And 'Sabbath-keeping' had been one of the joys of my life as an Adventist.) When the children wanted to know why someone said I was not a church member any more and was not going to heaven, I shared with them that, while some people may think that, I can trust Jesus with that matter since I've surrendered my whole life to Him and He has taken me as His child. (One benefit of simple Christianity is that it is what the Bible teaches without having to wrestle the text around. You can just read the text instead of having to 'explain' that yes, that text says that, but what it means is . . .) On the other hand, I'm ashamed that I did not speak more to the children about my change in faith until after the children and I fled our home. Because of their father's threats I kept my mouth shut at times I should have spoken. At times I tried to purchase peace by only living my faith partially. God did honor my faith, but He's blessed so much more as I've learned to trust Him more! One thing I'm learning as God walks me down this broken road that God does not direct everyone the same. It is my prayer that as you walk with God you will press close to Him and keep asking Him for guidance till you are sure you have His answer - not for the future, but for right now. As you walk in the Spirit in each of the 'right now's, God will bring you and your family gently but surely into the future He has planned for you. . . and it is a good one!! Blessings, Mary | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 5326 Registered: 12-2003 |
Mary, your post made me feel like crying. I admire your commitment to truth and integrity, and I am "proud" of God for how He has led you and taught you to trust Him. Thank you for sharing so honestly. I know there are many people who will benefit from your experience. Colleen | ||
| Trying Registered user Username: Trying Post Number: 4 Registered: 10-2006 |
Hi all, Thank you very much for your suggestions and prayers. And sharing your experiences. Melissa I think your right about sending the wrong message by going to church. I am ìtryingî to get my nerve up to say Iím going to stop going. I do need to learn to trust God and He will take care of me. I have become cold. I do want to go to a Sunday church to revive and feed my spirit. I will let you know how it goes. Again thank you. |
