| Author | Message | ||
| Berit Registered user Username: Berit Post Number: 67 Registered: 7-2007 |
Did any of you seek some counseling or therapy after leaving adventism? If so, in what way was it helpful or not? I loved the church and had no problem with its teachings until I four years ago came across the new covenant and studied my way out as many of you. I was quite surprised myseslf when I discovered the false doctrines and decided to leave. I cried a few tears for having believed falshood for so long, but at the same time I was SO HAPPY for my newfound faith that I actually had no big problems with leaving. I got hurt and upset of people who hurt me by accusing me for all kind of things when I left, but it confirmed my decicion even more. What helped me the most was finding a wonderful little Baptist church where I experienced a nice christian fellowship. Reading and posting on FAF also helped me very much. Thank you all!! Since we moved back to Norway we have not really found a new church to attend, which has left me/us spiritually frustrated. But now we (my husband has also left sda now!!) have decided to attend a little church in our community and it looks like they have a good program for the whole family. Visited for the first time last month. I now realize that being so long without a church has caused me to become even more frustrated, bitter and upset about my time with adventism. I feel it has been so hard to start over again (both spiritually and socially) and it makes me upset, even with God, that I have "wasted" my best youth in a cult. I have tried to avoid debating theology with adventists, because I have experienced how they immediately shut down and come up with the standard answers, not being able seeing outside the box. Realizing this brainwashing frustrates me so much and has also been one of the reason why I have not posted much on FAF the past two years. However, since we bought a house in the community where we used to attend the sda-church before I feel confronted with adventism by just being here. When I meet new people I try hiding the fact once being an sda. We ended up with this house because of financially reasons, but it still feels a bit strange living in a small community with so many sdas around. And it sometimes make me wonder if it was right of us moving here. But my son has come to a great school (eg. his teacher is in our new church) and many things are good here. It seems like adventism upsets me and I have tried avoiding it in may ways, but at the same time I have avoided to get emotionally finnished with it. My everyday life goes fine, but when I shall talk about this issues to other people I have a hard time expressing myself without crying and feeling hurt. Therfore I have decided to seek a phsycologist to sort out things. I posted this to maybe recieve some comments from you how you have dealt with your transition and also to ask for your prayers. Thank you! I am so grateful for this forum! | ||
| Honestwitness Registered user Username: Honestwitness Post Number: 1023 Registered: 7-2005  |
I have seen several psychologists about issues related to Adventism. I left, but my husband stayed and is very, very active. I am very glad I got counseling. It helped a lot. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 11850 Registered: 12-2003  |
Dear Berit, Oh, my goodness--I understand. Again, what you are experiencing is so common... If you get a good counselor, it can be very helpful, as HonestWitness attests. Sometimes one of the big benefits of counseling is a "normalizing" of relationships and motivations. Adventism taught us to deny our feelings and to believe the "truth" was what mattered; our feelings were unreliable. That is a lie, of course... I want to encourage you to hang out with us, too...some things we really only process when we talk them over with others who shared our skewed worldview. My experience is that two things have really helped me integrate into normal Christian society: consistent Bible study and fellowship with Christians who've never been SDA, and talking about our old and new understandings with each other who share the background. Added to all this, I would not have been able to get over my "backwards glances" and doubts and fears and anger if I hadn't asked God to remove the spirit of Adventism and to replace it with the Holy Spirit in that place where Adventism had been. Yes, I believe a good psychologist will be very helpful in helping you understand what's "normal" and how to recognize normal feelings. Ultimately, however, it is the Lord Jesus who gives us the understanding and insight to absorb the truth, shed the deception, and live in joy. I love Romans 15:13:
Colleen | ||
| Asurprise Registered user Username: Asurprise Post Number: 1467 Registered: 7-2007 |
I haven't sought out any counseling, but I've sure been fighting some left-over baggage from the SDA church! | ||
| Karethamiller Registered user Username: Karethamiller Post Number: 68 Registered: 8-2010  |
I'm fighting baggage too, I must admit. Hopefully I won't need formal counseling, but I can completely understand why someone might need therapy. | ||
| Gorancroatia Registered user Username: Gorancroatia Post Number: 132 Registered: 6-2010 |
Mybe your distress is a call to preach to SDAs a real Gospel! | ||
| Free2dance Registered user Username: Free2dance Post Number: 164 Registered: 2-2010 |
One of the things that has surpried me the most is how the SDA worldview really helped perpetuate unhealthy relationships in my life! Not just with friendships but aslo at home as a child. My basic understanding of the world was, "Life is hard, people WILL let you down, don't cast your pearls before swine (which meant keep all feelings to yourself and for God), Nothing good will last on this earth, God is my only real friend on this planet and the only parental figure Ill ever know." Then enters Christ into my very being. I am given a new spirit and He replaced my heart of stone with a heart of flesh. Flesh feels, and not all feelings are fun. But they are such an important part of growth. He also placed me in a group of people who love me more than most of my own family and past friends ever have. I am surrounded by people I trust with my pearls, and have been given mentors who trump my most beautiful idea of parental figures I could ever have imagined having. While this was all amazing, it was also scary for me because everything good I experienced up to that point always ended in pain. This was SO good, I knew if I lost any of it I would be deeply devistated. I didn't know if I could trust it. I was conflicted, I felt the need for people for the first time in YEARS, but I also heard the old tapes of distrust and I felt like I was in the middle of a civil war of the heart and mind. I was also socially disoriented. I no loner knew the social norms because all pretenses were gone and no one fit the mental boxes I had typically placed people in as I met them (which I did because I would know how much of myself it was safe to be depending on the "box" I was dealing with- and this system worked well in SDAism). All of the sudden everyone was of the same spirit and I could be comfortable being completely honest and real with all of them. That's not to say one isn't still careful with who they trust, but it's different now. A friend told me that I was now a new creation and needed to process and relearn how to love and relate to this world. So I decided to go to counseling. It helped normalize a lot of the stuff I was going through. It gave me a foundational understanding of what was going on inside me and sort of helped me know that I wasn't going crazy. But it is the fellowship with other formers, going to a Bible teaching church, and surrounding myself with the body of Christ that is teaching me to trust people again. The counseling didn't help alot with unpacking the theological baggage or worldview, that has come with being apart of FAF. I really encourage you to hang out on the forum and allow yourself to be vulnerable with your questions and thoughts. It has helped me a lot. I am still surprised to see how much of my emotional baggage has its beginings in the spirit of SDAism. I had no idea... Also, for what it's worth, Ill share a couple of books that have helped me a lot. The first one was recommended to me by my counselor when I shared with her why I was seeking counseling. It was a wonderful help, it's called, "Changes that Heal" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It addresses the emotional/spiritual growth that happens when people participate in and trust the body of Christ. The other book helped turn off the default button in my head that kept going back to the 10 commandments whenever I read Jesus talk about His commandments. It's called, "What Jesus Demands from the World" by John Piper. That's just been my experience. But my journey has included a lot of emotional abuse from childhood too and so it may look different for everyone. But again, I really believe SO much of the abuse I experienced came because of the high demands of SDAism. As I continue to learn to trust, and step out on faith, I find that more of my emotions begin to wake up. God is so faithful and He really doesn't give us more than we can handle at one time. | ||
| Asurprise Registered user Username: Asurprise Post Number: 1471 Registered: 7-2007 |
One area of baggage that probably comes from the SDA church is how my dad related to me when I was a teenager. He was cold and belittling towards me when I messed up, (but not as cold and belittling as his dad was to him as a child.) I had to closely guard my heart and now that I'm a Christian, it's hard to completely open my heart to God as a Father. (I'm praying a LOT about that!) All the cults, including SDAism, are performance-based. (Message edited by Asurprise on October 20, 2010) | ||
| Lynn Registered user Username: Lynn Post Number: 62 Registered: 8-2010 |
I converted to Adventism, so it was like moving to a different country for me, which I tried to do with integrity and genuineness. My husband was SDA and I thought it was the right thing to do for our new marriage. However, I experienced 2 levels of Adventism; Level one was the things Adventist tell non-adventist to normalize the "religion" and make it appear to be benign. I was told they were regular Christians they just worshipped on Saturday. I was told they were the only Christians that were truly Bible-based Christians and for this reason they were the only ones who have the truth. Very innocently I was told that God never abandons his people and He leaves us with prophets to guide our feet and God has done that for us as well by giving us EGW. Then there was level two, which I was told at the beginning was the "meat and potatoes" of Adventism and was told I was not ready for that truth yet. This was IJ, SOP, Writings of EGW, state of the Dead and the true reason why they keep the Sabbath day. After about a year and a half I began in on level two. When I began to see that Adventism just doesn't make sense and ask the questions, the answer sessions and long winded Bible studies were so overwhelming and mind-boggling to me I would just give up and give in and accept. Another thing that throws me for a loop is what I will call "command presence." Everybody gives off a persona that they are so absolutely sure they are right - regardless of the overwhelmingly factual information that they are wrong - yet they maintain that arrogant command presence. I find that difficult to wrap my brain around - I guess I am so disappointed in the lengths people will go to believe a lie (I'm talking about those people who really know how faulty Adventism is and choose this life anyway - not innocent Adventists who are only believing what had been taught all their lives and it has never occurred to them to investigate further yet). It all seems so evil. The combination of incredibly faulty doctrine, the violation of ones genuine desire to know and love Christ and our fellow brothers & sisters, the psychological manipulation and the mind-numbing mental gymnastics required to understand this stuff made it necessary for me to seek counseling among other things. I have to read scripture constantly or I have a bad day, I have to connect to other formers, I go to a support group, I pray constantly and sometimes I call another former and just cry. I was blessed to find a former Adventist that I was drawn to and know I can trust and each day it gets better. I think another thing that has been so psychologically damaging is the fact that my devout Adventist family and friends begin to see me as a person not only being deceived as the enemy but the enemy itself - ouch, that one really hurts - especially being a people-pleaser I hate it when people don't like me! I find it so sad that friends and my husband have a history with me and know my heart, have witnessed the way I behave, have looked up to me in many ways - and now they see me as the enemy...they would rather believe a woman who lived in the 1800's who said that those her turn away from what essentially is her religion she made up, than to believe the person they see, right now, right here, who is an imperfect person - seeking a true and right relationship with Christ, just like every other Christian. The sadness runs deep. | ||
| Honestwitness Registered user Username: Honestwitness Post Number: 1028 Registered: 7-2005 |
Lynn, I agree about the different levels. I was also a convert from mainstream Christianity to Adventism, for the same reason - my husband. I didn't fully realize all the convoluted doctrines until I had been in Adventism for several years. It took a long time to get up the nerve to quit. I definitely needed counseling to help with that. Problem was, most of my counselors really had no idea what Adventism is all about. But just talking about it really helped me. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 11865 Registered: 12-2003 |
Lynn, I understand. It is shocking and deeply painful. God is faithful; He will fill you and bring you love and fellowship in surprising ways and places. It is worth everything to know and live for Jesus. Colleen | ||
| Berit Registered user Username: Berit Post Number: 68 Registered: 7-2007 |
Dear everybody! Thank you for sharing!! Lynn, you said it very well: The combination of incredibly faulty doctrine, the violation of ones genuine desire to know and love Christ and our fellow brothers & sisters, the psychological manipulation and the mind-numbing mental gymnastics required to understand this stuff made it necessary for me to seek counseling among other things. I have to read scripture constantly or I have a bad day, I have to connect to other formers, I go to a support group, I pray constantly and sometimes I call another former and just cry. I was blessed to find a former Adventist that I was drawn to and know I can trust and each day it gets better. I have deicided to fight the past and not avoiding it anylonger. FInding a therapist seems to take some time though. But I am happy for our new church. Last sunday I went up for prayer, and it seems like a cloud is lifting. I have also joined in for the womens knitting club! yesterday I ordered some books from Amazon, Bob Georges Classic Christianity, and another book he has written about grace. Look forward reading those. If any of you have books to reccomend I would be happy  I also need to pull out my Bible again. Once beeing in the sda church and having "issues" with God after leaving, seems to have disturbed my Bible reading. It is just so frustrating when the typical sda answers or qutations from EGW pops up im my brain while reading the Bible... Please continue to pray for me and my husband!! I'll try to become more active on FAF too. | ||
| Believer247 Registered user Username: Believer247 Post Number: 183 Registered: 3-2009 |
Bob George's book "Classic Christianity" is excellent. Another good one is "What's So Amazing About Grace." I have forgotten the author at the moment! LOL Senior moment! And "Tablets of Stone" by John Reisinger is very helpful in understanding the covenants. | ||
| Philharris Registered user Username: Philharris Post Number: 2268 Registered: 5-2007  |
Berit, I have been praying for you these past years even though you haven't posted much here. But then, my posting has slowed down somewhat. I do enjoy going to and reading your Facebook postings and reading the ones in English. Your family has grown up and I believe you are now able to sleep nights without the need to check on crying babies. You are very correct concerning daily bible reading. Whenever I skip a day, things do not go well. It seems like God is speaking to our hearts when we read his word. When we speak to him in prayer, that is important to. There are times when it seems as if God is speaking to me directly but it has always been within the context of prayer and the study of his word. Fearless Phil | ||
| Berit Registered user Username: Berit Post Number: 69 Registered: 7-2007 |
Have you really prayed for me all the years?! Thank you so much Phil!!! May God bless you aboundantly! | ||
| Philharris Registered user Username: Philharris Post Number: 2271 Registered: 5-2007 |
Berit, What I remember most is when your youngest was born and you were desperate for a simple thing like getting enough sleep during the night so you could face the demands of the next day. Jan and I now have adult grandchildren plus one great-grandson, but I still remember when our three were all in diapers and getting enough sleep was a challenge. I fully understood your desperation and prayed for you and your husband. Also, I praised God when I heard your home you had for sale for such a long time finally sold. Fearless Phil | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 11901 Registered: 12-2003 |
Berit, Phil is right. Reading the Bible every day is essential--but pray that as you read, God will teach you truth and plant you deeply in reality. He Himself teaches you, and ask Him to remove the Adventist filter from your mind as you read. Truth is only in God's word; Christian authors can explain God's word and help us understand it, but the actual truth is in His word. And He is faithful to make it become part of us and part of our worldview. By the way, What's So Amazing About Grace is by Philip Yancey. And the Bob George book is very good. But read Scripture every day. Ask God to direct your reading and to lead you to the books He wants you to read. Colleen |
