| Author | Message | ||
| Jackob Registered user Username: Jackob Post Number: 573 Registered: 7-2005 |
Oh, former adventists of the world, hear my voice and pay attention to the message! We, our brothers and sisters in Christ since Walter Martin's old good days, are offering you a wonderful opportunity, with the occasion of the 166 anniversary of passing the first trial of our faith (22 October 1844), to hear in your own language a powerful, wonderful, extraordinary message of grace from the lips of grace-filled people. We deplore the fact that when this message came to you in a written form, devoid of the gracious tone of God&'s grace embedded in it. We are repenting of coming with this message too late in your life, but, by God's grace, maybe it's not too late. We are sorry for the guilt-ridden conscience you got when you attempted to read the 9 thick-sized volumes of the Testimonies for the Church, all because your encounter with the Testimonies in the days when the current opportunity we are offering you was not available. All you had at that time were pages after pages of writings, your mind having to fill the gaps and construe in the imagination the tone and attitude of the author of these writings, our preferred author, a little light shining on our path. But you don't need to go on the rugged path anymore! With the new audio-recording of the Testimonies, you're going to meet the gracious spirit behind Ellen White's messages by listening to the Testimonies in an audio format. This will be an experience you'll never forget, and we hope you'll soon forget the bad taste in the mouth you got when you read with dim eyes and trembling hands that self-abusers are as much murders as those who put a pistol on their chest and shoot themselves. We recorded these Testimonies with a cast of professionals. For example, you'll meet apostle Peter in the voice of Kenneth Cox, the extraordinary story teller and Revelation Seminar artist of the last past century, perhaps millennium (tongue in cheek here). Since you love apostle John so much for what he wrote in John 5:24, we offer you the voice of Doug Batchelor, shaped by the caves where he was exiled as the beloved apostle. We didn't forget to employ David Gates, the Flying Dutchman (missionary, in local language), who will be softer enough in bringing to life the apostle James who you're loving as much as you're loving us. Also the progressive and graceful pastor Richard O'FFill who's forum is one of your favorite places where you spend your former Sabbath mornings, or afternoon, will be the voice for Solomon, Jeremiah and John the Revelator. The familiar spirit of our sister Ellen will be the current accompanying angel of Mark Finley, Lonnie Melashenko. Last, but not the least, the most important voice in the cast, the voice of our Adventist unique God will came to life by borrowing the voice of the friendly CD Brooks, used to be known as the Breath of Life. This guy is truly amazing, just give him a chance, and he will persuade everybody how loving is the Adventist God toward all former Adventists. He truly means what he says. His life purpose is to save your breath,...ah, sorry, soul. He will offer Listerine to everybody at a reasonable price, just drop your wedding rings and keep the Sabbath kosher. You can find the opportunity of your life at this site http://www.thetestimonies.com/, listen to samples for free, and see other features. You can buy the CDs or a flash-drive (16 GB) like you can see here, http://store.remnantpublications.com/store/p/1650-Testimonies-for-the-Church-vol-1-9-Audio-book-MP3-on-USB-Flash-Drive.aspx We hope that this time you'll listen and get the grace in the Testimonies. We are waiting for you at all our open churches on Saturday mornings, and in case some of these churches seem unloving, you can just use your iPod's to listen in earphones the message of grace found in these Testimonies. Former Adventists of the world, unite! ; and get your hands on these MP3s. Gabriel (with the adventist hat on his skull) | ||
| Jonvil Registered user Username: Jonvil Post Number: 454 Registered: 4-2007 |
"Lay your hands on the computer and feel the warmth of my sincerity!!" What? No Danny Shelton? | ||
| Jackob Registered user Username: Jackob Post Number: 574 Registered: 7-2005 |
Error: Colleen, please change "on" from the title with "of". To open directly the links, they are http://www.thetestimonies.com/ http://store.remnantpublications.com/store/p/1650-Testimonies-for-the-Church-vol-1-9-Audio-book-MP3-on-USB-Flash-Drive.aspx They try to be cool, I find incredible to put Testimonies in audio form, the majority are oppressive. How they don't feel this, I don't know. Gabriel | ||
| Hec Registered user Username: Hec Post Number: 1445 Registered: 3-2009 |
Ah, it's only USA$300. Hec | ||
| Jonvil Registered user Username: Jonvil Post Number: 455 Registered: 4-2007 |
LOL!! I actually thought the MP3 was part of the parody. SPECIAL: NOW 'ONLY' $249.95 Buy six (we want the money) and give them to your neighbors for their listening enjoyment. | ||
| Colleentinker Registered user Username: Colleentinker Post Number: 11873 Registered: 12-2003  |
Oh, Gabriel--I can't help laughing...but it's too weird. Audio Ellen??? Oh, my goodness...but I forgot; the quality of her inspiration is exactly the same as that of the Bible writers. Colleen | ||
| Psalm107v2 Registered user Username: Psalm107v2 Post Number: 764 Registered: 10-2008  |
I laughed and had my heart sink all in a matter of minutes. At 3:30 mark or so the fellow says he rededicated his life to Christ and wanted to know all there was to know-and quoted Hosea about people suffering from a lack of knowledge. Heb 1 is so clear that we have the final revelation in Christ. He is our PROPHET, Priest and King. Fella you don't need another prophet, you need a Revelation of the one true God. Your "burden" for extrabiblical literature to get out to the masses is really a spiritual burden weighing on your soul. It doesn't need to be shared with anyone else-it needs to be lifted off you and cast on to the Master. If you want to know all there is study the Bible, make a video bible. The final chapter of John says that if all that Jesus said were to be written it could not be contained in all the books of the world---the Holy Spirit specifically left out that which He did not want to be revealed and left in that which we are to know. Seems to me that this fellow and his group need to learn from the woman of Samaria and draw from the well of eternal life in Jesus-rather than the saccharine of EGW Enoch Aye carumba |
